Would you expect your partner to tell you how much money to send to family?

Question

My husbands entire family live overseas in a third world nation, he is their only source of income. 
We currently have a mortgage, I’m a SAHM with a 2 year old and due with our second in December. 
Today my husband went to get a haircut then messaged me that’s he’s going to the shop to send money to his family. It bothered me because he didn’t tell me beforehand and didn’t tell me how much he’s sending - his money is my money right, and vice versa? 
Would you expect your partner to tell you from before that they’re sending money overseas? Would it bother you if it’s a frequent thing/more than $1000 every 2 months?

Answer

Yep to all of it

Answer

My husband and I agree that we are very fortunate and if his family need money then he should go ahead and send it - he doesn't need my permission. Sometimes he sends it out of "our" money and sometimes out of "his" money. For example, he invested in his cousin's business using his money. We pay for his twin sister's therapy sessions using our money. Having a child and getting a mortgage haven't changed this arrangement.

Answer

Yes, y’all need to communicate better.
To me, if all bills are being paid and there’s food on the table, I don’t really care what happens to the money. (Signs of addiction and money going there could be an issue and maybe if there were other red flags to cause concern)
Did you ask him how much? Have you made it clear that you’d like to be fully aware of all the finances? Is this a new thing for him to be doing?

Answer

I know my coworker sends 500 per month back to her family in her old country and her husband does not know. If he’s their only source of income you know he’s sending a set amount each month. It’s not right but he’ll continue to do it.

Answer

Ya there should be communication on this. Am I correct to assume he’s always done this?
We do a joint account and two separate. We both work full time and make about the same. So not a sahm. But even the separate we would discuss something like this.

Answer

My husband doesn’t need to tell me what he does with his money as long as all our bills are paid, but he always does anyway. If he wants to send money to his mom or dad, I don’t have an issue with it. If it did start to impact our finances to where we were right for money, I wouldn’t definitely be upset for him to put them first before us.

Answer

To me, it would depend on our situation. If we are all good eg all bills paid, sufficient nest egg etc then yes I would be okay with it, but I would expect him to be candid about it and come to a mutually agreed upon arrangement.

Answer

He should be telling you

Answer

My husband would not be sending anyone money without discussing it with me and the exact amount and making sure I'm okey with it and vise versa.
I would not marry someone who has to financially support their entire family overseas. This just sounds like a lifetime of struggle.
Honestly can you all survive while supporting a whole other family overseas as well?

Would you expect your partner to tell you how much money to send to family?

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