I’m grasping at straws right now. Today I was discharged from the hospital without my baby. He was sent to pathology for an autopsy. We had been ttc for 2 years, lost 2 on clomid, and got pregnant with this baby earlier this year spontaneously. On 10/26 I was given cytotec to soften my cervix, after that my body took over and I didn’t need pitocin. My water broke by itself at 1:08PM and I progressed to 10CM with no epidural. I didn’t give birth until 10:34PM but my baby was alive, eyes open, we made eye contact and then he was taken away. ***They told me his heart rate never got over 60bpm and he didn’t respond to chest compressions or a breathing tube*** but the during labor his vitals were perfect. I am looking over my doctors notes to see if I can find anything that could have caused this. It is noted that my fluid was stained with meconium at the time my water broke. Could this have been why my baby is not alive today? Can someone please help me? My heart is shattered.

I felt like a warrior, so strong. And now I feel so weak. I can’t believe I finally experienced giving birth just to get all my joy and happiness snatched away. If anyone can provide any guidance, you don’t understand how much I would appreciate it.