How do I deal with my MIL?

Question

Need advice....feel like we need to go low contact on this one. 
My MIL is an absolute nightmare. I won't go into all the details because there is a lot of history. Let's just say she is selfish, disrespectful and completely incapable of apologizing or admitting responsibility for her actions. She is however wonderful at pointing the blame at others whenever something goes wrong. It's a talent I swear. 
My main issue has to do with germs and her lack of understanding how they are transmitted.
We have a 5 month old son who we love dearly. We had her babysit 4 times since he was born in June and each time has been a disaster. We have very few rules but the main ones are wash your hands before you hold him, wash your hands after you inevitably wipe your snotty nose with them and DO NOT KISS THE BABY. and every time we visit her or she invites herself to our house which we are renting from her she has to be reminded of the rules. She will respond with either 'I washed them before I left my house'    if she comes to visit us or literally rolls her eyes when my husband tells her to wash them at her apartment. Mind you...she habitually sneezes into her hands, wipes them on her nose instead of using a tissue and doesn't wash them when she leaves the bathroom. I know this because we lived together for 15 years. She is so gross. 
Today we went to visit her briefly and during the 1 hour visit she rolled her eyes and snidely said I better wash my hands as soon as I stepped out of the room, then proceeded to kiss our sons face while looking directly into my eyes them blew raspberries on his neck when I asked her to not kiss his face. She said his neck is not his face.
Is this a valid reason to go low contact? We can't do no contact because she doesn't have ANYONE else in her life as she has run off everyone who cares about her. I'm not a monster. Lol. Plus we have to give her rent and bill money every month.
Other line crossing behavior include bringing her friend over after he was born after we told her not to, dropping in with no warning and having the nerve to talk about my mental health AS SOON AS I LEAVE THE ROOM saying that she thinks I have PPD because I am so concerned with germs. She gave us COVID in September.
After we had our spat over kissing today she said 'I can't believe this RSV thing that's going on right now it's so sad'... I was like uhm are you trolling me right now?
Should we cut her off? I have kept my mouth shut out of respect for my husband's relationship and family. Today after I said what I did he said he is proud of me and don't ever apologize for putting our son's health before his moms feelings.

Answer

I would’ve cut this lady off months ago. She does this because she’s gotten away with it for so long

Answer

Start looking for a new home, move and tell her the consequences for her actions. She is not going to change. 
I have a MIL like yours. But I guess I am enough of a monster. She is all alone and still hasn’t learned the lesson.

Answer

I wouldn’t cut her off over that, but I’d have her son have a serious conversation with her about rules. I would let the obsessive hand washing go though at 5 months. If she’s sick, she shouldn’t be over period until baby is maybe a few months older.

Answer

Why do you guys have the be the ones who keep in contact with her when everyone else respects themselves enough to step away? You’re not responsible for her happiness, if she doesn’t respect your rules, she doesn’t see the baby. You don’t have to pay her a lengthy visit every time you pay the rent, send her a check. I would also be looking for a new place to give you some distance from her. Sounds like there is more going on here than just handwashing and kissing baby, even though that would be enough for me to keep her away from my child. ￼And if she doesn’t respect these little boundaries, she’s not going to respect the even bigger one￼￼￼￼s. Your child is more important then hurting anyone’s feelings who doesn’t respect your parenting. She’s acting like a childish honestly 
Your husband can keep in as much contact with her if he would like, but that doesn’t mean she hast to come over to visit and see the baby￼. Maybe he can have one last talk with her about her behavior and attitude and if she continues then you can cut to very limited contact￼

Answer

I would have been done with her ass months ago. 
First step, she doesn’t get to touch the baby anymore. If she still gives you guys hell, cut the negativity out of your life. I am not one to give millions of chances just because someone is family.

Answer

she sounds EXACTLY like my mom. fucking disgusting and a huge reason why I would NEVER let my mom take care of my future children. so YES. ur feelings are 100% valid.i wouldn’t want somebody like that near my kids.

Answer

So my husband looked online last night at how to tactfully talk to grandparents about not kissing babies and washing their hands. He likes to research things before doing them which is something I 💯 appreciate about him. 
As I told him at this point it's utterly disrespectful. AND why does she need to kiss him anyway? It's selfish and does nothing to promote bonding between them. It is completely self serving and we are done with it.
If she can't handle that then she doesn't hold him. She doesn't touch him etc. 
It's absolutely disgusting to me. I would never presume to kiss another person's baby even if we were related.

Answer

I may have a bit of residual resentment for her due to the other things she has done to us over the 18 years we have been together. Its...a lot. And she doesn't acknowledge any of it. I just wish she could be respectful of this one thing but I may be expecting too much out of her. She's just a sad old lady as my husband says.

Answer

I'd spray her with one of those sanitizer cans lol seriously🧴she doesn't get the concept of being clean and health conscious, so disgusting. if she catches something like herpes she won't be happy once she's in pain from a bacteria caused illness. she can be a turd all she wants I would cut her off seriously

How do I deal with my MIL?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey