I’m struggling
Let me start off by saying i have an amazing partner. He’s the most amazing man, husband, and father i could have wished for our daughter and her future siblings. He takes her on the weekends to let me sleep in (as long as i pumped and have milk ready for her) he takes her when he gets off work immediately, takes care of dinner if it’s not done yet, makes me eat first, ect. Rarely do i have to ask him to take her or even to help around the house. I know that’s the bare minimum but i appreciate his help no matter what it is. But i really struggle asking for help beyond the times that he offers…he works so hard (i haven’t worked most my pregnancy either) and i never have to worry that the bills will get paid, when a hot meal will be cooked, or if i ever need/want something, i get it. He takes care of it all. He does everything in his power to make sure i don’t have to lift a finger. He doesn’t expect me to take full responsibility of our daughter but i naturally feel like that’s the least i can do. But i get angry at him at night for not waking up and helping every single time. And that’s not his fault, i try my hardest to keep her happy all night long so he doesn’t get woken up because he has work early the next day, so i end up frustrating myself because he doesn’t naturally get up like i do. Today was my first shower in probably 3-4 days because when he takes her when he gets off work, i go and work on the house and all the things i planned to do that day that didn’t get done, and i have a hard time making time beyond that. It’s literally nothing he is doing to make me upset with him, i just have a hard time speaking up. A lot of times i get frustrated with him and then i see how much he’s doing to help around the house without me even asking and then i feel so dumb for getting upset in the first place. Like this morning after breakfast (the breakfast he made for us) he went and took a shower first, and i got so frustrated because i hadn’t showered in days. Not that he knows that, for all he knows i could have showered in the mornings while she’s sleeping and he’s at work. But once he was done he went and cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed, and came and grabbed her from me without me asking so i could take a shower. It’s not that i want him to read my mind, I’m only 4 weeks pp and i just want to do it all. I truly believe i have minor OCD when it comes to cleanliness of our home. Everything has a specific place and if it’s not up to my standards, it drives me up a wall. Even if i can’t see it, it needs to be clean and organized or i can’t focus on anything else but that, so when it’s not orderly throughout the day, i can’t focus on myself until everything is the way it needs to be. I spoke to him this morning about all my thoughts, feelings, and my frustrations with him and just the situation in general. He listened and understood and just asked me to take care of myself and that the house will get taken care of when it does. He also asked what more he could do to help me, but i feel like there’s nothing else he could do. He really does do it all. How did you guys make it through the newborn stage? How should I go about addressing the feelings I’m having? How am i supposed to get over myself and just ask for the help or me time?
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