Just wanted to rant on here. I am sure my friends are tired of hearing me cry and stuff.

I’ve had shitty relationships in the past where I was used sexually and stuff like that.

I haven’t dated or anything since 2018. I decided to get back out there and I am regretting it now.

My past relationships I never fell in love or had my heartbroken. I never cried over a man before as a adult.

This guy crashes into my life a month ago. He fed me sweet nothings and told me all about how serious he was. We went on dates and had a lot of good laughs. He was complaining about a week ago how we weren’t Facebook official. I just told him I needed little time for that.

This weekend I stayed the night with him and met his parents. I absolutely adored his mother. She was such a nice lady. Everything just felt perfect. I guess I believed his words too easy. His actions showed me how serious he was.

We had sex few times during that month. I was so happy to be in a relationship again and having sex again. I don’t know how or why I fell hard and fast for him. But I did. I thought it meant that the relationship was right for me since I had such strong feelings for him in a short amount of time.

But when I got home from the weekend from his parents and him. I decided I was ready to make it Facebook Official. I figured that me doing this showed him I was just as serious about him because he spoke concerns about how I wasn’t matching his energy back.

Well, shit hit the fan after that. He accepted the request and I thought everything was fine until he called a few hours later saying How we weren’t on the same page. That he loved me but wasn’t ready for a commitment because some parts of his life wasn’t together so he didn’t feel worthy to be with me.

That I should just keep things casual and wait for him to get things together and resume this. I told him I don’t want for anyone that once I walk away there’s no going back.

I just feel really stupid at this moment. I’ve been hurt a lot in the past and I don’t understand how or why I fell hard and let him in. I’ve told him about things in my past that I don’t open up to others about. Like my autoimmune disease and my brother dieing from cancer. Those are sensitive topics and I just opened up to him about it so easy.

I just can’t believe I am actually heartbroken from this guy. He certainly made me feel like a teenager again from how fast I fell and how much my heart is broken. Feels soul crushing.

I hate that I know he’s going to take it all back in the morning and I know that I can’t forgive the sweet words and that I need someone that isn’t confused. It hurts a lot.

I start a new job tomorrow, morning shift. I’ve got to get use to a new job while feeling this way and I also can’t fall asleep tonight because how sad and pissed I am.

Thanks for listening ladies. I’ve learned my lesson and will make sure I don’t fall fast next time