I need some input/advice. There is a small child involved. The abuser has got worse verbally, mentally, and emotionally. He has FORCED me to perform sex acts with other men (of my choice) and record it to send it to him because he’s a “cuck” and gets off on it. He would say if you love me you’d do this etc etc. I made a mistake for falling for everything he has said and done. He doesn’t love me and he just enjoys controlling me and my whole entire life. Now he has the videos saved and is threatening to blackmail me if I ever leave him with my child. He even said he’ll take 100% custody and has many reasons to do so. I’m not perfect I know but I’m with my son 24/7 and I even work from home full time while taking care of him. My son is healthy, smart, and sweet and is in always good hands with me. My husband makes me feel like our son will be better off without me which I know is not true. His excuse is because I’ve cheated on him. The abuse has got so bad that I did start cheating on him because after I tried leaving he wouldn’t let me leave. I even tied to get a PO against him at the magistrates and still didn’t work because I don’t have injuries/bruises. He’s caused so much mental and psychological damage to me but not really physical harm. Throughout my pregnancy he was an animal towards me too. I’ll never forget. Since I have finally checked out he still won’t leave and like I said before if I leave he will find ways to get back to me or hurt me even more and he’ll make me regret for the rest of my life. He won’t even let me join a church on sundays since it does not pertain to him. That’s the least I could do for myself. I even have an upcoming appointment for counseling that he doesn’t know about but I’m sure he’ll find out because he checks up on me throughout the day and wants to know exactly what I’m doing, where I go and who I talk to. This morning he started projecting or gaslighting that I gave him an STD because his lips and penis hurt. But I know he is lying and making this up to make me look bad always. I don’t even want to have sex with him anymore but he pulls me into having sex with him because if I ever deny sex he’ll mentally torture me the whole night and deprive me from sleep so I have to give in to keep peace. On a side note he’s undocumented and we’re working on his residency with an immigration lawyer. I feel that if he becomes a legal US resident he will get worse! He’s illegal and acting out this way and getting away with so much including drunk driving. I just need help!!!! I feel doomed 😭 and I don’t want to give up on myself and son. I know I don’t deserve this life!!!