Just a rant

I have been pregnant 8 times. 4 live births my 13yr old was a premie. My soon to be 12yr old came on time but was in distress and I had a induction at 38wks. My 3rd son died at 15mos. Due to medical neglect. 30days after he passed i was pregnant loss that baby at 10wks baby stopped growing at 6wks 5days. Did a d&c. Had my 4th son he just turned, no real issue, he didn't eat for the first 28hrs. But he is fine now. Got pregnant again when my 4th son was 6mos old. Made it to 5wks had a miscarriage. Got pregnant again 3mos later made it to 6wk, the day of I had another miscarriage. 40days after that. I got another positive test. Went to the doctor monday got a blood draw 9dpo. It was 67. I was hopeful. Got another draw 2 days later it was 63. The doctor called and told me it didn't look good and just prepare for a miscarriage. Still haven't bleed yet. Its the day of my period still nothing, but i took a test it was stark white. Not light pink line like last time. So no need for my blood draw monday or the ultrasound. Whats the point and my SO is not making it easy. I asked for words for encouragement, he said 'you can do it again, it will happen' i told him i feel like if we are not on the same page about kids(we have 2 sons together one passed away) since we can't seem to get through the last few miscarriage, I don't want to have sex unprotected until we are. All are sex encounters are to use a condom. I hope he can understand but at the same time i know deep down he doesn't. All i ever wanted was a big family and I think he cool where we are, soo I think i want out...... END OF RANT