I’m 41, was raised by my mother along with my siblings. We have experienced life altering lost over these last 4 years! I’m 2018 we lost our beloved mother to stage 4 cancer, in Dec 2018 we lost her mother ( my grandma) then we lost her father ( my grandfather) in 2021 due to Covid. A lot of lost!!!

We are literally still trying to adjust, I read a grief article after losing mom that say scientists can prove your heartbeat changes when you lose your mother! I believe them. If it wasn’t for my children I’d be lost.

Now my father wasn’t in our lives, his choice. But after losing our mother he has been trying to reconnect with his now grown children. This year he lost his mother( my grandmother) in May and last night he lost his father ( my grandfather).

Although I sent condolences, I don’t honestly feel anything for them. No memories come to mind that make my heart ache. No words that I can remember being told, nothing….. it made me angry when I thought of it. I have 3 children they have never met! It’s so selfish that people have children or grandchildren and take no interest in their lives. My parents were married and then got divorced, so they knew about us. Regardless of our parents separation they knew they had grandchildren yet no phone calls, no visits.

I know it doesn’t matter now, I’m just sharing how I feel. I ache not being in NC these last 4 years under my grandparents table for holidays with my mom. I have core memories of laughing with my moms parents. We had relationship. We had love we had family. I still cook with my grandparents whispering how to season something, or how reminding me to cook with love. I miss them. I miss my mother. I don’t know the other two at all. How am I supposed to miss or care for someone I didn’t know?