I struggled for a decade with secondary infertility, and I magically find out I’m pregnant. I should be happy right? This miracle I’ve prayed for is finally happening. But all I can’t think about is how unhappy and miserable I am.

My symptoms are terrible, we’re struggling financially, my anxiety is off the charts and my mood swings are so crazy I’m just making everyone around me miserable. I don’t feel like myself, each day I wake up to not caring about my college classes and I suddenly HATE the job I loved. It’s hard to see the other side because I know I’m just going to wake up and be miserable the next day. I just can’t help thinking everyone would be better off without me.

Idk why I’m feeling this way. I have a history of depression but not like this. This is a different monster. I should be happy, filled with joy, ecstatic even. But all I do is cry and get mad. It’s like I can’t even control myself. Idk what to do to help myself feel better, to feel the joy I should be. I’m only almost 8 weeks along, I’m scared for how much worse than can get.

I’m afraid to talk to my fiancé because I don’t want to scare him. I don’t know what can be done while I’m pregnant to help with this. I appreciate you all for listening if you made it this far. I just feel lost and don’t know what to do.