She invited me to her wedding abroad, no kids allowed. I have a toddler and another on the way. When she originally invited me I wasn’t pregnant with second, so we said we’d make it work (leaving toddler with grandparents even though I wasn’t happy about being away from them for 2 nights in another country) and when I realised I was she said we could bring newborn (as it would only be 12 weeks and her reason for not inviting kids was to keep costs down).

We saved up for it before realising I was pregnant, however flights got cancelled and now are costing double. It’s looking to be 1000 just for 2 nights, and with maternity leave looking and a new baby we just cannot justify anymore.

I expected her to be disappointed (I am too). I did NOT expect her to have zero empathy for my situation, act as though she expected me to be there because she always has been for me (in her words), and try and make me feel worse by saying things to purposefully make me feel guilty.

She then went behind my back and said to a friend that she was disappointed I don’t prioritise my friends.

Firstly, I fucking did prioritise her. We cancelled our family holiday originally so we could afford to go, meaning my daughter wouldn’t get a holiday with us next year. We also actually decided to put off trying for baby 2 until it was over so it could accommodate her wedding (didn’t realise I was already pregnant when we decided). We sacrificed plenty, but there’s a line.

Which brings me on to my second point, who the fuck prioritises a friends wedding over the ability to pay their mortgage/bills with two kids? Because to do it now we would be going into debt. Is this something people do? Is she right to expect that of me? Because it feels wrong. I feel like my priorities would be wrong if I spent 1000 on a friends wedding but had to go into debt to buy groceries once my second child was here.

To another friend she’s compared me to another couple who are both much higher earners than us with no kids, saying if they’ve done it why can’t we. Erm, because not everyone has the same disposable income??

Anyway, in the initial conversation with me she ended with “we will have to move past it”. But she’s then ignored me for the past two weeks despite me messaging her and actually asking her questions.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for. Another perspective? Solidarity? Maybe just to get it off my chest.