There was a day I was home with our daughter and I was trying to potty train her because we stopped for a while spouse was at work. I checked in with spouse to see how work is spouse asked about us I sent them a picture of our daughter sitting on her little toilet. I wasn’t looking for applause or appreciation but I wasn’t expecting this either. First thing spouse asked was if I cleaned the seat and I made the mistake of not doing that I apologized thinking we could move on but there was the other issue of cleaning the inside where the poop and pee goes into. There was nothing but dust in there. They talked about infections but there wasn’t enough water to splash and all that stuff but yes the seat needed to be cleaned Spouse stated I should have cleaned that as well. It got to the point where spouse said it was common sense and if I was going to do something do it right. This conversation went from 7pm until 1am. In the end I cleaned the inside before next use just to have some peace. (From this conversation I just felt like I shouldn’t have even bothered attempting to potty train. I say this because I feel like if I don’t check every box when something is being done it’s a problem which is a theme in our marriage.)

I had been struggling career wise. So I took an accelerated cyber security class that would land me a 6 figure job to start or bare minimum double what I make now Had been applying and interviewing but haven’t landed a job yet because just started applying but I’m gaining traction. I had decided that I would leave the company I work for and not pursue my passion so I can do the cyber security career for the money and for my family financially. The company I work for I love because it’s what I have a degree in and is my passion. I had been chasing numerous promotion opportunities from them even changed states to increase my chances. Been trying to get promoted for 3 years it’s extremely competitive and all that. So I finally got the call that the job I applied for that they wanted to accept me for the position. The first thing my spouse had to say was that it’s going to be more difficult for me to leave the company I work for now. I only did this while waiting for something to come up for cyber so we would at least have more money in the meantime. (I thought my spouse would at least say congratulations first but like I said spouse and I talked and I said if I had a good problem and got a promotion here and a job with Cyber I would leave the current company I’m with and I thought they would be happy for me because I finally got recognized and accomplished a goal of mine.)

My spouse and I are currently in couples therapy and before that we each did our own individual therapy. I wanted us to do our individual therapy to work through negative residual feelings or just see what we can learn or how we can be better as individuals. My spouse got to finish their 12 sessions but I didn’t due to the fact that I can’t have our joint case open and a separate case open for me as well on my account. So I asked them if I could finish (restart) my individual sessions on their account and they asked why. I told them what I was going through individually all things they knew and also wanted to discuss the marriage. It got to a point where my spouse was very frustrated and wanted to break down and cry. (This was bizarre to me because they got to complete their sessions but I want to complete my sessions and I have to be interrogated first before they make their decision just to be on the verge of crying. Whenever my spouse wants or needs something I say yes first then ask questions later)

Overall I feel like there’s a sword over my head. These are all constant themes draining the happiness out of something, being my biggest critic, just not being fair, and more. I’ve talked to them about all these things and like I said we are in couples therapy but I’m not hopeful because these aren’t habits at this point these are built into my spouse and I know I’m not suppose to ask them to change.