This is a long vent. I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable?

My in laws come over at least once/month and stay the whole day, from 10am-8pm. It’s usually twice or three times/month though. MIL brings a ton of food, groceries and prepared food and that’s what we eat for lunch and dinner. While she’s here she makes food for us for the week. She has also taken food I’ve already prepared and re-cooked it. She cleans stuff like our oven, sink, random things like that. And FIL is with my husband working on some house project or just talking about stuff.

I used to enjoy it, but it’s becoming intrusive. And now it feels like she’s playing the part of ‘mom’ to us and our baby. Especially when she re makes what I’ve cooked. A few times now, we will cook something together, and the next day she’ll call my husband and tell him how to ‘fix’ it so it’s edible. When we eat food I made, she calls him the next day to ask why I made it the way I did, and again tells him how to fix it. I think that’s very rude but he thinks she’s just trying to help since she’s a very experienced cook.

I send pictures of our baby to the whole family via shared album, and she will comment that he’s very cute, etc., but then text my husband and ask things like why does he have pimples (he had some baby acne in the beginning that went away, she told him it’s due to something I’m eating, which was debunked by our pediatrician), asks why we burp the baby the way we do, says the hats my grandma knit for him are too itchy (they’re not), just constant comments that I take as criticism. I sent a pic of our baby bundled up outside and she told him he’s wearing too many layers, and today I tried to bundle him again and my husband insisted we don’t use as many layers, bc of what his mom said. It’s freezing out and MIL isn’t near our town and doesn’t know what the temperature feels like here. In my opinion, unless I’m doing something that’s putting my baby in danger, don’t comment on it. I don’t need her constantly whispering in my husbands ear about how she’d do stuff differently or asking me why I’m doing what I’m doing. It drives me crazy. And now my husband has started doing it, too. Anything I say, he has a million questions about, it makes me feel like they don’t trust me to make any decisions.

For example, I got an iron supplement bc I read it can slow the postpartum hair loss (and my doctor said I’m low on iron). I ordered it on Amazon and my husband asked why I got it. He said how do you know iron will prevent the hair loss? He’s never heard of that connection before. Why can’t I just eat more red meat? On and on, questions like that. About EVERYTHING. Idk why this bothers me so much bc he’s allowed to ask questions. I think it’s because now I assume what he’s asking me is coming from his parents.

The last thing that happened is that we’re house hunting and have found a few houses we like. Each time we see a house, he calls his parents and they give him a TON of advice and ask a million questions that make him doubt everything. He said it’s good bc then he can really be sure of his decision. But we spend weeks looking at one specific house, and his dad convinced him against the house. Now that we found a different house, his dad is saying we actually should consider the first house again. It’s making my head spin!

I basically feel like I’m in a marriage with my in laws, making house purchasing decisions with my in laws, they even tell me not to do my own food shopping bc they can find better prices in their town & they’ll bring us the food. I’m 28, I just want to buy my own groceries, cook it without criticism, and have a discussion with my husband without his parents getting involved. He says they mean well and are helping us, which I guess is true. He honestly thinks they’re perfect and can do no wrong. But I feel overwhelmed by their involvement.