Would you be offended?

Question

I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married 1
We just did family photos with his family which we do about every 1-2 years 
At the beginning when we were dating it made sense for me to be on the end bc if we broke up then they could just cut me out 
Around the 5 year mark it started to bother me because it wasn’t just that I had to be on the end but his mom would make comments about it and specifically say that it’s incase we break up…. Again I get it!! But it hurt a lot 
We’re now married and she STILL made that comment when we look out family photos!!! I was still forced to be on the end!!!
My husbands sister is also married and they have NEVER done this to her husband!!! She’s been married 3 years but together for a total of 5 and they have legitimately never said this to him 
They do however do photos during these family photos of “just the family” and if you’re just a boyfriend/girlfriend then you have to stand off to the side so his mom can get a pic of her kids and husband together….. so why during the normal family photos am I forced to be on the end because there’s this weird concern that we will end????? We have just about the healthiest relationship out of his entire family!!! When I say we don’t fight I GENUINELY mean we don’t fight. 
It just doesn’t make sense to me!! Would this hurt your feelings too???

Answer

I’m wondering why your husband hasn’t said anything 😶 it wouldn’t be rude or out of place for him to say he wants his wife standing by him

Answer

I personally would feel very hurt by it too. I don't know if I would say something to the family though because I'd want to keep the peace. I would mention something to your husband about it though just so he understands how you feel about it and that you are feeling singled out. I think if you are married it's rude at that point to exclude you from family photos or make you be on the end because you are family now and they aren't treating you like it.

Answer

I’d probably have my husband talk to his mom. Or I wouldn’t go to the next shoot.

Answer

Personally I wouldn’t think the pictures itself is the big deal. Rather, I’d think the comment was. As a wife, when I’m in my husbands family pictures, I kinda just go where I’m told and don’t really care. Sometimes this is on the end, sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes I’m not in them. They aren’t my pictures. If I get a good family picture out of it, great, but my MIL is paying to have her pictures how she wants them. When I get pictures, I get them how I want them. 
The comment of you being on the end so they can crop you out is what is rude/disrespectful and THAT would hurt my feelings. I actually would talk to and expect my husband to stand up for me. In the beginning my MIL and had a tough go. He is the first and oldest so it was her first boy she had to let go of and I understand a transition. When we were engaged, one year I saw a text from her come up on his phone that had vacation dates and a note that said “we would like it to be family only this year if possible.” He said very bluntly we were going to be married in a few months and that we were already family and no one would expect her to leave his dad out of things and if she wanted him to be around, any invite to him would be extended to me. It took a few boundaries like that but we actually have a very healthy relationship now and her, i and my other SIL even took a girls trip this year. We prob won’t ever be bffs but I do have a love for her and vise versa. That only comes from your partner dealing with it appropriately tho and not giving her the option to make you feel inferior.

Answer

Way to make you feel like a part of the family... I would be asking my husband to address this and the comments. It's rude.

Answer

Why is your husband not addressing this nonsense from his mom?

Answer

Make your next holiday card be one of those photos with the mother in law photoshopped out. Or, tell your husband ahead of time where you intend to stand and have him be on the outside. If she doesn’t like it, then neither you or your husband should agree to participate in the photo.

Answer

It sounds to me like it's just a running joke now because you guys didn't get married for so long. I wouldn't worry about it, but it would be good to stand near your husband. As for the blood family photos, that's completely normal. It's good to have a variety of pictures of husband and wives and just blood separately.

Answer

Does your husband also stand on the end with you? I would think in any family photo you would be standing next to your husband..

Answer

Honestly, I would just ignore it. People like that don't deserve to take your peace from you. It's their problem, not yours. I wouldn't waste my mental and emotional energy on it.

Would you be offended?

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