Hi girls and guys

I am due to go back to work on the 13th Feb, got notification today after I emailed my work. So I look into all option childminders and nursery due to possibly changing to day shifts instead of evening. So this is a just looking at cost and people in the area and days they could do, aswell as the nursery down near us. So I had everything together,trying to be organised, I also looked at the childcare Id required in the evening. Well my partner raised it this evening and I pointed out that I was looking at maybe doing 9-3 instead of evenings, I have been looking at cost and if I can get childcare funding just so I had an tough idea. Well it all blew up in my face. My partner said I shouldn't have looked without speaking to him first and what he wants and what if he doesn't want our baby to be in childcare. I said to him I was just trying to be organised with options, as before you felt restricted with the eldest due to me working evenings. So thought it may be better me doing days so evenings there's no restrictions. Nope that wasn't allowed. Then he tells me he's taking me to court for 50/50 access of our 5 month old and to ensure I can'take any decision without his consent. I tried to talk to him and telling him nothing was concrete it was just being prepared. And I would have sat down with him about it and discussed everything and thought having all information would be beneficial if it was agreed if not it was no loss. No he got angry and carried on with his nasty behaviour, about what if I want this it's not about your wants. I said I would like to work days so then I have the evenings with the kids as they would be in bed by the time I get home aswell as less restrictions. Then he said I would.have punched you if you didn't have hold of our baby. I have it all recorded. I am so lost and I'm numb

Was I really wrong for not going to him first? Or am I right in thinking he's trying to control my every move or what I do. I'm trying to figure out a way of getting rid of him. He's told me I need to go,but if I leave I won't get rehoused as we are in a council property. I am trapped and have no escape ,I'm blamed for everything going wrong, when I walk away and leave him with his space, I'm all about my own feelings. He keeps saying he's getting closer to the edge of suicide. I have sat with him and said to him to talk to me and to get professional help, I am exhausted 3 nights in a row we have en out and he's mentioned suicide. I came upstairs as I am.tired and falling asleep at 2am, plus didn't have the baby monitor which he pointed out that he woke up and saw we hadn't and said about me falling asleep and not considering it. Then I came upstairs and stayed up here. Well I got told I'm all about how I feel and I wouldn't know if he's done anything because I'm comfortable asleep upstairs. I am sat in bed an hour and half later. Exhausted,don't dare sleep and mentally exhausted. I got questioned about how I care for others in my job but not him and why I always split hairs or do wrong. I'm so mentally and emotionally run down I don't know what to think or do. I have re referred myself to counselling because I need to get myself level headed and I will always make sure my kids are taken care of..but my health isn't being taken care of at all because I feel guilty for even thinking about how I feel, this is because he always throws in my face I always put my feelings before the kids and his feelings and I'm a selfish person🥺😭😭😭😭