It's my fault

I made my husband this way by not speaking up. My first husband did not help me with my daughter. We were young and he wasn't ready to be a dad, he would say.

So 8 years later, with my current husband, I didnt think it would be an issue as he's a completely different person and I've changed as well.

I thought I was in denial, thinking things like, "he just needs time" "he's overwhelmed, I need to support him" or " I'm a strong woman, I can do this" "his work schedule is demanding"

But now it's almost been a year and the excuses have run out. He keeps saying, I'll help you when I get rest but I've been on mommy duty for 11 months straight, not taking time to go see friends by myself, not going out, not driving anywhere by myself. I'm completely overwhelmed and my house is suffering because I'm trying to take care of two kids and 6 cats. I'm either constantly cleaning, or constantly tending to the needs of the kids. I get it, they're mine so it falls on me but I'm holding everything up except the finances which I worked until December so I helped with that too.

My husband will help on his time. After he sleeps in, has his morning routine... he will hold her for a 10-15 minutes but he is always saying "I have to work." "I need rest because I need to work"

10-15 to sleep or shower is NOT enough but I havent been as open to saying I'm tired so it builds up and I got pissed this morning and told him to hold the baby while I take a walk. He got upset because last night he said that he would let me nap and I woke up him just now asking for help. "I'm just trying to get 8 hours and then I can help" So, I said never mind, I'll put the baby to down for her first nap

But this is the story, I ask for help, he gives conditions, conditions fall through and I'm stuck with the house, the kids, the cats and then i blow up and he like " I'm sorry, I'll help.you have to speak up" but when I do, its never the "right" time.

I dont have family or friends to vent to so internet strangers, go lightly, I'm seriously at a loss.

Update: I gave him the baby tonight after putting her to sleep so I could have a mommy moment/ journal. He held her, in his rocking chair for 30 minutes and said "my back hearts, you have to come get her"

Is this a win? I'm feeling ungrateful for the time