hopeless after breakup

i’ve been with him almost four years. my first true love. and my first real relationship. we broke up a total of 8 times now and i’m really done this time. i always felt like i had to stay with him because i didn’t think i’d find another good man. but i see a little more clearly now how insecure and controlling he was. yes he was a good man but he had some serious flaws that my love blinded. although i have no interest in being in a relationship anytime soon. i still feel hopeless for when that time comes. i wanted to marry him and have kids with him. i felt ready. i don’t want to settle but the dating world is twisted. i feel so hopeless. that i’ll never find someone who meets my standards. and that when i do it’ll become extremely toxic again. i’m 23, yes i’m young but thinking about the time it’ll take me to finally date again. and then IF i do find someone, actually stay with them long enough for marriage, children, family, and life to happen. it seems like i’ll be so much older. IM SCARED AND HOPELESS.