Spiritually how do I cleanse myself?

I don't know what is the matter with me. My mom calls me her deterrent like I'm a bug repellent that repels people and it sucks. I'm sitting in a waiting area people sit all away from me. Friends have gone, boyfriends gone, coworkers gone and there's this thing eating at my feelings why am I not good enough to be loved to be treated well to have people care about me worry about me call.

It's like why do I feel so different than the rest of the world like I'm some kind of angel or alien in the midst of this world how do I fit in I just want people to want me like how I want to spend time with people and I wish there were people who wanted me who care about me who love me people who are there for me

I see people who are so loved friends family special person and they have someone or many who care about them check in on them call write contact travel to see them and others who feel like there a single light in a world of darkness and all they want is to live in a city of lights