When someone's been trying longer

Question

My sister tried for almost three years and has been told by her dr that ivf may be her only possibility. That may not even work. I already have a four year old to my previous partner. I'm planning another with my current partner. We have been trying for three months and nothing has happened. Annoying but it's early days. I feel like I can't talk to her about anything anymore and she's always been my best friend. What I'm trying to say is, everything happens for a reason. I don't know what her reason for being unable to conceive is. It could still happen. She's turning into this miserable depressed person who no one can talk to. It's so sad she's pushing everyone away. Please, see your dr for mental health reasons, trying for a baby is stressful but don't go through it alone. I've lost my sister. She hates our cousin who gets pregnant simply by thinking about it. This cousins mum died fifteen years ago. We still have our mum. I know this is all over the place, I know this barely makes sense, but in this tough time and in all the struggles remember you are around people who love you, and ALWAYS be happy for others, even tho a part of you is jealous. I wish everyone luck in their journey.

Answer

I think when you desperately want something like a child and others around you have what you can't control or get easily. It can make you angry upset and she may even be suffering with slight depression. I find talking to people on here so encouraging and a great support mechanism, do you know if she uses glow or anything similar ? 
​I know it's really hard when you probably just want your sister how she was before but try and bare with her moods and angry feelings. 
​We push the ones we love the most away first when what we really want is their love and support ( easier said than done I know ). 
​Could you go with her to medical appointments, research other possibilities maybe ? 
​I feel for both of you it's a tricky one. Hang on in there x

Answer

As someone who has been in your sister's  shoes - let me try to explain a bit:
​
​Your sister does not, not even for a moment, ever think that her infertility "happened for a reason."
​
​Instead she feels hopeless, helpless, and is essentially in mourning for the child she cannot have. And her mourning doesn't ease with time. It's like a wound that opens again and again - with every period, with every pregnant woman she sees, with every toy store she passes.
​
​She is mourning her unborn child and that feeling doesn't diminish. You don't snap out if it. In fact it just becomes more all-encompassing with time. The sadness becomes her whole world.  
​

Answer

am sure you already are, but be kind to her. Take her on walks where you do not talk about children and conceiving. Go to the movies. Read books that you can discuss together. Go dancing. Go work out. Help her focus on other positive aspects of her life.
​
​She'll never stop mourning. (How can you?) but at least she will know that you love her and want to be there.  
​

When someone's been trying longer

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey