Anyone just find it hard not to cry?

Okay so this girl I used to be friends with (we still get along just haven't seen her in years or spoke to her) had her first baby recently. I just went through her Instagram and all her bump photos are up and everything and then the baby at only hours old! I'm so jealous but in a good way, her baby is beautiful! I just want to cry though, I want a baby so bad and I don't want the heartache of seeing a bfn this cycle. I'm literally physically scared to see a negative test and I don't want to worry because I know it won't help! But I just feel so delicate right now! I got a positive opk yesterday but a very postiive opk today where the test line is actually darker than the control. So not sure yet but need to wait and see where my temp spikes! I just feel so rotten. It hurts so much and I'm practically addicted to checking glow and looking at peoples bfps because it gives me hope and keeps me motivated but I'm so so upset at the same time. I want to test at like 15dpo but I'm too scared :( hoping this is my month so bad, couldn't prey harder if I tried! I need a genie in a bottle that comes with a wish! Sorry for my rant ladies just needed to vent. Feeling so discouraged :(