My husband and I just went through the heartbreak of losing our first little one. We found out at the beginning of September we were going to be parents! We were sooo excited!
On Wednesday, At 9w3d, we went in for our first appointment excited and ready to learn and finally get a glimpse of our little one, but things didn't go as planned. We got overloaded with information that we would need for the months ahead and then headed to the ultrasound room. I don't think my hearty has ever best so fast!! I was so excited to see our baby..and there it was. So small and content in my womb. The nurse practitioner told us that the baby liked to be measuring at 8 weeks instead of 9, but it was nothing to be worried about. She then moved on to find the heart. As she was looking she kind of stopped talking to concentrate. She told us hat she thought she saw a "flicker" but wasn't sure. She said sometimes their machines aren't as accurate, so she sent us to fetal maternal medicine for a better view. There is where we learned there really was no heartbeat and our baby was gone.
I can't even describe the pain that shot through me. It was like I was watching someone else get that horrible news and not me. I automatically started thinking about our next steps; how will we get through this? What happens with the baby? How will it "come out"? Etc.
The doctor then gave us our options. Due to me knowing I couldn't go through seeing the who "process" happen, I chose the D&E. I'm so glad I did, but for at least 40 minutes I was able to expect the pain and hurt while the doctors did what they needed to so. When I woke up the amazing staff made sure I knew everything was ok and that my family would be with me soon.
That procedure was yesterday. It's been 2 days since I learned that our baby was gone. 2 long days of hurt and emotional pain that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Still i sit here knowing that there is a light at this dark tunnel that involves holding a sweet baby in my arms.
So our plan: heal (physically and mentally) and try again. Our doc says 1-2 normal cycles and then we are good to go. She says 2 for counting/ dating the baby purposes. How long does everyone plan/did wait?
If you made it through all of that, THANK YOU!! It feels so good to get it out!!