Anon's Journey to Glow.

At the age of 13 I irresponsibly lost my virginity due to feeling like the only one who hadn't in my class.

After losing my virginity I found out that all of my so called friends were lying and had never really did the deed. I also found our I was pregnant. I was extremely nervous about telling my mother as she had me young at the age of 17 and I never wanted to let her down. I was about 9 weeks or so when I finally told my mum and she was my biggest support. She helped me through it. But after a doctors appointment I found out I was way too far gone to have a termination where you take tablets which cause a miscarriage.

I spoke to my mum about keeping the baby, and after a long discussion we agreed that I would. I was preparing myself to be a mother at such a young age. Working hard at school and saving up as much money as I could with my mum. We were so strong. After speaking to my nan who works as a social worker in a secondary school she went through with some research and found out a few things that made it very difficult for me to keep the baby.

Me and my mum spent nights crying because I was almost forced to terminate my baby. My mum would cry to me, blaming herself and even to this day she blames herself for the reason I terminated the baby. But it was not her fault. It was a mutual decision that was thrown upon and she couldn't lose me as her child.

I then went through with a surgical termination at the age of thirteen. The babies father was by my side but was not reliable, responsible or loyal. But who is at thirteen? I was put under anaesthetic to have the surgical abortion and when I awoke I was too young to really understand what my body had just been through. Fast forward a few years and I began feeling anxious, which slowly (and I mean very slowly) began getting worse.

The anxiety built up and built up for months until I went bang. I hit rock bottom and begged my mum to put me in a mental hospital. I thought I was dying. I was convinced nobody was listening to me. I didn't leave the house for 6 months and missed a lot of school. I was then diagnosed with depression, which was brought on by the anxiety and panic attacks. After months I was taken under the care of a child and adolescent mental health clinic where I was put on resperidone to wean me onto the anti-depressant citalopram.

I began getting better but oh no it wasn't over yet. I had therapy for several years, and after a long year and a half of therapy they found out that the cause for my anxiety and depression was trauma from the termination at such a young age. My mum was fighting for me, trying to stay strong for me but inside she was breaking too. After many more months of counselling I was beginning to feel more normal. I sat down with my mum and completely opened up to her for the first time in a couple of years. I told her I want a baby. I feel like there is a baby missing and I will always feel like there is a baby missing from my family. Distraught I told my mum that I am going back to school and working my backside off to get a good career and then start a family. My mum supported me 100%.

I went back to school and had only 2 months until my final exams. I was getting U's on maths. The worst grade you could get and failing almost every other subject. On the day of my exam results my whole family came together to watch me open them. I opened the results to find I had passed every single exam. I had got a B in my English, a C in my maths, a B in business, an A in drama and an A in dance. And I passed all the other subjects too. My family cried. That was it. I had done it.

I then met my partner of now 2 years. I went to college which I have nearly finished now. I have a secure job and he owns his own business. We began trying for a baby, and after trying for 9 months I found Glow. Glow has been my biggest support system.

We have now been ttc for 18 months and last week finally went for our first doctors appointment. I am ovulating correctly and have no issues of infertility, we are now just awaiting my partners sperm analysis. It's been a long road but Glow has helped. I've found some sort of closure with Glow. The women here are incredible and are so supportive and without Glow I wouldn't be feeling as strong as I do right now.

Thank you Glow for helping me with my journey so far and I can't wait to share some great pregnancy news with you one day. Thank you for listening, this was my journey to glow.