Dear Aunt Irma...

Carla • Psychologist in the day, musician and writer in the night.
Your visits are not appreciated when they are a week late. Yes, your presence is a glorious reminder that I am a woman, and that pregnancy is still a possibility. However, I would appreciate you arriving on the exact date, rather than later; your tardy arrival gives nothing but sadness, and false hopes. Please, in future, arrive on time. Or, in the momentous and joyous event, please inform me that your presence will not be expected for many months by way of two pink lines on a stick. 
Yours Faithfully,