I hate my scale.

I have one of those fancy, schmancy glass ones. It can remember up to ten different people's weights, calculate BMI, display progress reports.

You know what it cannot do?

Tell me how much I f$%^ing weigh.

No, seriously. You get on it. It thinks for a second and then the numbers click by. 212.6, 213.4, 211.2, 213.8 and then it decides and flashes twice on 212.6. 

Fine you say, 212.6. (Ugh!) But then you brush your teeth and pee and you think why don't I get on it again, you know, just in case I peed out a pound...

Once again, the slot machine that pretends to be my scale flashes numbers: 211.8, 212.4, 211.9,213.8 and the stops. 213.8.

WTF?

How did I just gain a pound between peeing and brushing my teeth? Did I swallow too much toothpaste again?

You get on the scale one more time. To perform a tiebreaker.

Come on! No whammies! No whammies! No whammies! STOP.

214.1

Really? Really you p.o.s scale? That's what we are going with, huh? You are gonna punish me for my insecurities by just increasing the number every time I get on? What, am I holding too much air in my lungs?

And that is whyI hate my scale. (I hate the numbers that flash on it even more. And I hate that I am so damn scared of those numbers.)  

What about you?