What do I do?

Question

What do you do when you no longer do it for your spouse? He loses his erection during intercourse and has a very difficult time climaxing ever. He swears it's not me but after months of trying to have patience and trying new things my ego can't help but feel like I just don't work for him anymore and it hurts. He just gets angry when I try and talk about it. After 14 years together I am thinking maybe we just don't work and it's time to seperate

Answer

He swears he isn't watching prob or jacking off because I read so much about if he's doing that then it could be a cause too. I just don't think he's being honest about something but don't know if I make him go to a dr or what I do because this is killing me

Answer

It's far more complicated then just divorcing over sex but I know if I said he's had an affair and cheated then that's going to be the focus , I wanted to know if there was any way he could be telling the truth because I want to believe him but we were together for like 10 years divorced for about 2 1/2 because he cheated and had a kid and she is insanely crazy and wouldn't stop but got back together had a son that is now 17 months and would like another baby but in last few months these issues have come up. And being there are obvious trust issues exp being crazy lady is still around because of the child. We've had problems again because of her and so things have been rough but everytime we talk about separating he vows this is what he wants. It's hard to get past the past experience when it tech doesn't go away. Being we've had sex and been fine after he's come back until recently it's hard to know if there really is a problem being he isn't even 40 or if it is because someone else is doing it for him so that's why i don't work anymore. I can live without sec but I do want another baby and I really do need to know my husband wants and I do it for him too. This really makes me feel like something is wrong with me and with all I have been though for this marriage I don't think I should feel this way.

Answer

So.... You think it's times for a divorce because the sex isn't working anymore.... That's kind of messed up ya think?
Sex should not be the center of a marriage & the lack of it because of some issues definitely should not be the reason for a divorce. 
Men are very touchy on any subject that has to do with their man parts having any issues. 
If you can convince him to go to the doctors to get checked out, you may find out that he is telling the truth, that it isn't you, that there may be an underlying cause such as erectile dysfunction.

Answer

Oh hun, sex is a beautiful and fun thing but it's not the biggest part of the relationship. And try not to be so hard on yourself. You've been together for 14 years so clearly you guys have something together, you may have just lost it. But that doesn't mean that you guys can't find it again. He could be stressed or maybe have low testosterone, it's very common. If it's to the point where you're concidering breaking it off then you both need to sit down and have a come to Jesus meeting. Before you making any decisions. It could be a physical issue that can be fixed and or all in his head. I'm sure after that many years things have become routine, I think you guys should talk and rekindle that spark. Take some time together, try to bring more romance and fun into your relationship!

Answer

Sometimes that happens to dudes.  I went through that with my ex.  We didn't break up bc of that We were both military and he was getting stationed overseas for 4 years and we were young.  But he just went through a time where he felt judged bc of the past Times where he couldn't get it up, or stay up, and he swelled on it and it caused future problems,with it...  Like an ego thing.

Answer

Hmmm, 14 years is a long time! My SO and i have been together for almost 3, but he had this issue from like 9 months in, the way I get him going is get all hot and ready for him and just really really want him and most of the time it works.. I think my so issue is he watches porn every day and that makes it harder later for him to stay erect for me. 
I don't like him watching porn but I don't want to fight over anymore so I leave it alone.

What do I do?

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