Am i a horrible step-mom?

Question

I'M getting really frustrated at my step-kids, especially my step-daughter.. they are not bad kids, just I'M constantly repeating myself to his daughter on what to do, doing chores, following rules... she keeps doing the opposite I even take all her electronics away for punishment, it doesn't help, I'M about done cux I'M taking care of them most the time when their dad's at work... am I a bad step-mom for wanting to give up or at least feeling this way, I just feel like a broken record n even with their dad putting his foot down only helps for a couple days then it's back to the same way... uggghh..  any advice?😰

Answer

Welcome to parenthood. My kids do this everyday and I gave birth to them. Good luck!

Answer

This is coming from the point of view of a daughter of divorced parents since I was 9. My mom dated a lot, she had this crazy urge to make our family complete again by finding the perfect husband/ step dad. For me this was horrible, I hated her boyfriends even if they were good. It was just very difficult to cope with divorce and seeing my parents with other people although at the time I didn't know how to voice it. I never had any respect for any of my parent's partners. And although I wasn't rude because my mom was very strict and wouldn't allow that, I grew up with a kind of a deep hatred for my moms partners and even my mom and dad. 
I'd say you're probably doing everything you can the best way you know how, and you're being too hard on yourself. I don't know how old your SO's kids are, but they might be at an age where they can't even figure out why they are so hurt and angry. They may not know what's going on in their own bodies. Just keep in mind that it's very difficult for children to see someone besides their parents as a parent figure or even authority figure in their home. It breaks my heart writing this because it reminds me of all the times I wished my mom or dad would give up trying to find someone else and just focus on my bother and I. Best of luck and I hope this helped you even in the slightest.

Answer

I would change the punishment, obviously she's not taking you seriously. There was something on Pinterest that had some interesting ways to deal with kids. They get grounded and in order to b un-grounded they have to do things to get a certain amount of points. You give them a list of all the things they can do and a point value for each and then they do whAt they need to to get un-grounded. Sounds like y'all are on the same page but you just need a change. Maybe jut get creative with something like that bc MORE strict might not exactly work either. Good luck!

Answer

I've been down this road, my sisters and I were step kids. We were the worst (lol) you just need to find something that you two can do together to get closer. Find what she likes and take it from there. Depending on her age she may just feel as though you are trying to take her mothers place. Just reassure her that you can never replace her mother and you are just trying to show her love and get closer to her. Taking things from her will do nothing, after awhile its routine and doesn't faze her. Hope things get better for you!!

Answer

I habe 2 step sons who were thee same way when we first got together.  I didn't think it was possible to for lack of better words, hate 2 little boys so much. But after there father and I discussed that we where on the same side and they realized thay things got better. Idk abojt your beliefs but things got better when they realized they got a whipping when they were bad, now they are some of the most well behaved boys

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How long have you been their step mom? Some kids take a while to warm up. They may not see you as an authority figure. I don't know what would help that, sorry (inexperienced)

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I know the feeling quite too well. I'm a step mom to a 4 year old(little girl) and a 5 year old(little boy). The little girl is the one I have problems with as well, as in the same way you are. I'd ask her to do something or to leave things alone and she just won't listen to me my husband and I believe in spanking when needed but that hasn't work so now we have gotten to where we take things away and that doesn't work either. I'm all out of options so I just keep doing when I've been doing as being a parent. We get the only two weeks at a time the other two weeks they're with their mother and from my understanding she allows them to do what they want when they want with no punishment and the little girl crys everyone I go to pick her up to come back here but is happy as can be to go back to their mothers house. Only thing I know to do is just keeping doing my parenting how I am and she's just going have to deal with it even if she doesn't like me (which she has told me) but she'll either grow up respecting me or grow up and when the age is where she is out in her own she won't have to deal with me but I won't stop being the mother I'm supposed to be and teach her wrong from right. I told her she can either listen to what I have to say or make it worse for her. My husband and I fight about it all the time because I feel the need to just call it quits and say for get it but he tries to reassure me that I'm doing a good job but I totally understand how you feel. Just keep doing what you've been doing and she'll either come around or she can just get used to it.

Answer

Girl I am in the same position! My step dtr is 6 she is awful.... To me and my biological son. She kicks hits spits smacks and straight up ignores what I say! She locked me in the basement when I was doing laundry. I get beyond frustrated esp when hubby just ignores it

Answer

It's just kids for you. And know if your worried your doing things right. :)

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You're only doing your job as another parent to them, don't be hard on yourself. keep in mind its more difficult (for both of you) the less time you've been around, which isn't your fault. Idk how old your stepdaughter is but I'm guessing tween-teenage ish since she has electronics ... And that age is difficult for everyone involved. I wouldn't  give up just yet - If it doesn't seem like she's specifically acting out for you, just try to maintain your patience, this is a part of being with a man with kids & it will pay off to have this experience with her in the long run . :)

Am i a horrible step-mom?

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