Gender Disappointment

Ashton • Mommy of 3 little boys.
I am currently pregnant with my third baby in three years. My first two are 2.5 and 1.5 and are both boys. I love them so much, and they are seriously awesome kids. We are letting the gender of this baby be a surprise. We got our second sonogram yesterday, and although we didn't find out the gender, I feel that by looking at the features it's another boy. Every single person that knows I'm pregnant has asked if we are trying for a girl this time. My MIL even said that she would be pissed if it was another boy ( she's a dick). I feel like such a terrible mom because my heart is a little broken over the idea of never having a daughter. This is our last baby. 3 kids is enough. I know that I should be happy that I have a healthy growing baby, and I am. I really am. And I am so okay with having another boy. It's just that I feel like I am mourning the loss of a child I will never have. Of all the things I always imagined doing with my daughter. I feel like a jerk, and I feel like an idiot for jumping the gun on this. For all I know, I am carrying a little girl. I just have a pretty good feeling that it's a boy, and everybody else that has seen the sonogram agrees. Anyways, I kinda just needed to vent. I put it in controversy corner because I feel like this is controversial especially with women that have been ttc for a long time, which just adds to my guilt for feeling this way.