First bd after mc

Erica • Married, SHM, 1 child JWH after ttc 3+ yrs multiple mc, due with baby #2 any day
Yesterday was day 15 after my mc at 5weeks. This was the first day that I didn't bleed or spot and my cervix felt closed. So my dh and I decided to bd. I wanted to and I KNOW that he wanted to but it was not good. The whole time all I could think about was the last time we did this I was pregnant with our child. I couldn't even enjoy it, I pretended to for my husbands sake of course but I could not wait for it to be over. We have decided to wait until we get some tests results back before we start trying again so I knew that he was going to but it still hurt my feeling when he pulled out. It has been so long since we have (not tried) and I know that he was only doing what we have already decided but I felt hurt non the less. Afterwords we cuddled while trying to fall asleep and I couldn't hold back the tears. I felt embarrassed for being so upset so I turned my back so that he would see me cry. His arm was around me so I tried the best I could not to sob and to make my breathing seam normal. I don't think that he knew, if he did he ignored it...