Pregnancy After Stillbirth: Breathing A Sigh Of Relief

So today was the first big hump that we had to get over in this pregnancy: the viability scan.

I’ve basically spent the last 24 hours on pins and needles. I mean, this was all leading up to whether or not there was actually a baby in the womb and whether or not that baby had a heartbeat. Trust me. I’ve basically read up on anything and everything that could possibly go wrong in a pregnancy. I can’t seem to stop myself.

As today went on, I felt myself counting down the hours. Three hours. Two. One and a half. One. Thirty minutes.

Sitting in the waiting room felt like an eternity. My stomach was in knots, I probably could have puked on the spot.

Sorry if that was TMI.

We sat there, she started the ultrasound. You know when you go in for an ultrasound and they do all of the measurements before actually getting to the part you’re worried about? Ohmigosh. I thought I was going to pass out. My fists were clenched so tight.

Finally, we saw that there was something in the sac.

More measurements. At this stage, it’s hard to really see what you’re looking at, so the waiting game was brutal.

Then she said those magical words, “Ok, this is the heartbeat, we’re going to take a measurement.”

I felt like balloons and fireworks should have been flying in front of my face when she said those words.

Sweet baby Jesus, the pregnancy passed the first ultrasound.

There are still a million things to be worried about (one of which being that my uterus is significantly more heart shaped than it was when we got pregnant with Addison), but honestly, I just want to handle one battle at a time.

Right now, I feel victorious.

Today, I am pregnant.