I hate and despise my body. .....Long stor

When my husband and I first met I was 175 pounds...... Then I got pregnant and had our baby boy but I never lost the weight.... Right now i'm weighing in at 240 pounds and Im disgusted with how i let my self go and I hate my stretch marks because their every where on my body......My husbands loves the way I look but everytime I look in the mirror I see my disgusted self and hate myself more..... Im fat and obese and all my clothes are tight or else my butt is so big i look really fat in all my clothes and our budget is so tight that We cant even afford to buy anything new or even used right now...... I never feel sexy and im just big and fat.... Im scared to walk by myself (because i think someone will kill me or something. .. I know stupid right) so i never walk without someone else and by the time my husband comes home hes tired and ready to relax....... I'm trying to stay away from junk food and eat fruit and vegetables and drank lots of water but im slipping you every day and if i dont nip it in the butt I'll be like this the rest of my life..... Ive also tried doing exercising DVDs but i dont finish because my son needs me and he never naps or plays by him self..... All i want is to be beautiful again..... Lose weight and be able to go shopping like a normal women and not be disappointed that stores dont carry my size... Please comment