Rainbow Baby Fears :/

Ady
My SO tried for over a year to get pregnant before we finally got a BFP. Unfortunately i had a misscarriage in January and had to have a D&C. Although we were told to try to wait 6 months before trying again we fell pregnant again in March. This past Wednesday i was in the emergency room because i began to have bleeding and i panicked thinking i was miscarrying again. They drew blood and did an ultrasound and said everything seemed fine but it was too soon to know if i was going to miscarry or not. Now i have to be getting blood drawn every 48 hours to keep track of my hormone levels. As i was sitting in the emergency room that day i couldn't help but blame myself for this situation. I feel like if i had listened to the doctors and waited 6 months to try again.this wouldn't be happening. I know for now everything is okay and they did let me know that bleeding is normal as long as there is no blood clots and the bleeding isn't too heavy, but i can't help but feel so scared. Im TERRIFIED of having a misscarriage again. Every little sharp pain i feel brings negative thoughts. I know i need to relax and leave it all in God's hands but i just can't help it. I've wanted this for so long and i just don't want to go through another loss again. I feel so guilty. :( i want to enjoy my pregnancy but i just don't think i can fully enjoy it until i get to the 12 week safe zone. I could really use some prayers right now :(