How do u let go (long sorry )

I'm married to and completely in love with my best friend I can't fathom a life without him but we fight a lot and last night our whole relationship (2years) imploded he had moved to tx for 5 months to set up r life and I ended up not being able to go cuz custody stuff so he came back a few months ago when he was there he went out a lot spent way to much money didn't cheat but was shady he has cheated in the begining of us and I forgave him . we r fire and ice we love hard And fight hard everyone who knows us says how they have never seen to people so in love with so much passion but last night everything came to a horrible hault he feels like by ne telling him that things need to change or we need to save money I'm calling him a pos anf saying I dont appreciate him I stay home with the kids cuz he wants me to I get a lot of cs almost as much as he makes I do all the errands always have a clean house iron his clothes e eryday don't make him get up with the kids let him sleep in do everything for him. But he went off how he isn't happy he never has been he doesn't know how to be happy that all I've been is horrible to him all this it needed with me telling him I just want him happy and set him free I begged him to lay with me one last time and we layed in bed both of us sobbing uncontrollably telling eachother we love each other we always will all this and fell asleep after hrs of crying I've never seen him like this we wake up today and I get him ready for work he leaves without even saying good bye asked me to bring him something to work I did I've been begging him to give me another chance to prove to him I won't make him feel the way he does I thought by taking care of him writing him letters making his goody bags to surprise him when he got home all this was enough but it wasn't how do I let someone go when I feel like I can't breath without them he's ng best friend I know that I want him to be happy above all else and that means letting him go but how do I do that :.(