So we are on our second, almost third year of trying. Early last year i went on this journey with my cousin. We shared stories and tips and 6 mths later she broke the news that she's pregnant. Naturally i was very happy for her because i knew she wanted it as much as i did. Then a good friend of mine got married late last year and i was super happy i found a new ttc buddy. We shared our excitement each time the OPK turned positive and disappointment each time AF came and hope each time we start on a new cycle.

Last two weeks she texted me a photo of her hpt test stick and said "I'm pregnant!!!" I immediately responded with a "yayyyy omg omg congratulations!!!" but i had to leave my office desk and head into the toilet to bury my sobbing face in my hands. I feel like such a hyprocritical bitch and it doesn't help that my AF came on that same day.

The thing is.... i feel happy for her, i truly and sincerely do. But i cant help but feel so jealous. Why her? Why not me? Havent i been waiting for so much longer? Dont i deserve this as much as she does? Its making me feel like such an evil bad friend, i know it does, but for the love of god i cannot help it. It gets so difficult when yoi start on this journey with people, and they get pregnant, and you fall behind feeling left out when they start talking about the nausea and boobs hurting and head aching and the excitement and nervousness of having a baby.

It sucks, it truly sucks and the worst is knowing that there is only so much you can do. Heres to everyone else who is on this draining emotional ttc journey, may we be given the strength and patience to continue dreaming :'(