On Friday afternoon I experienced one sided pain and spotting and was rushed to accident and emergency with a suspected ectopic pregnancy. After an assessment they reassured me there was absolutely no reason to suspect a miscarriage, that the pain appeared to be muscular and my cervix was closed - the bleed was from an endometrial adhesion on the outside of my cervix and was stopping on its own. As I wasn't an emergency they sent me home over the weekend and told me to come back on Monday for an early reassurance scan to check everything was okay. 

I still didn't feel relieved. I knew something was wrong. 

Yesterday I took another pregnancy test and the line was so faint after being much stronger the week before that when I started bleeding and cramping heavily that afternoon it was  expected. I spent the whole day sobbing. 

Today's scan proved the miscarriage, and even though I knew I still burst into tears again when she said there was a small amount of remaining tissue but no viable pregnancy. They think I'll pass everything on my own, but I need to get a negative test before it's complete. 

I feel disconnected. The past few weeks have been a whirlwind and I suddenly feel as though the world is on mute and I'm not quite a part of it. My boyfriend has been amazing throughout and I love him all the more for it, but I just feel empty. It doesn't help that my body still thinks it's pregnant - that my breasts are still tender and I keep getting queasy. 

Nobody really knows what to say and I'm struggling with the fact my sister found out she was pregnant the same day I did, and will be due the same week I was due. I don't resent her for it, at all, I'm ecstatic for her - I just can't help but think... That should be me too.