To tie my tubes or not???

Question

So my SO and I are expecting his 1st my 3rd child in December. We were both married before his ex wife could not have children. Now I'm 35 and both of my children were born preterm (chances are this one will as well) I want to have my tubes tied after this baby he is absolutely against it and wants more children. He treats my older 2 as if they were his own, I don't want to take the risk of having another child do to health risks to myself and the baby. I feel as though I am pushing my luck with this one. So far she is doing well I'm almost 21wks but I have had a terrible pregnancy since 8wks and am already showing signs of cervical thinning. What would you do?

Answer

He doesn't get a say in this. It's your body. If you don't want to use it to carry anymore children, don't.

Answer

I would never do something so permanent that my husband was against. It's understandable you don't want more kids but you have to come up with an agreement or compromise. If the tables were turned and it was my husband who went for a vasectomy even though I didn't want to him too, I'm not saying we would get divorced, but grounds for divorce. That's a big decision that should only be made with both couples involved. Use birth control until you do come to a decision if the decision isn't made before the baby is born. IUDs are a great form of birth control that is long term but can easily be reversed and has little to no maintenance.

Answer

Your body...your decision. That simple

Answer

I'd get my tubes tied. He's got to realise the danger and problems that can occur if you go on to have another pregnancy. Ultimately, it's your body not his and if you don't want to go through another pregnancy that's your decision to make.

Answer

I'd tell him the dangers and consequences. I'm sure he's rather see you healthy instead of having another child. You could also always adopt if you really want more children!

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My friend is suffering major hormonal issues from having her tubes tied. I would say not!

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I think that in this case you need to do what's best for you. Does he know all the complications you've had, are currently having, and how it can get worse with future pregnancies? Maybe you should see if your doctor can talk some sense into him at the next appointment.

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Honestly have you looked at him and said "I just can't". Honestly if he loves he will understand in the past 16 months I have been pregnant for 11 of them. I was pregnant then had a loss at 5 months had d&c. Recovered for 3, had a uterine fibroid myomectamy, recovered for 3 months, got pregnant again, high risk of course, had cerclage placed at 20 weeks, I mean seriously my body has been put through the gambit. And my husband has watched me go through all of it. If I turned to him after this pregnancy and said never again, he would really understand. It's not that you don't want to, it's just a lot. And you have done this 3 times! You have to do what you think is best for your body and health. If hormonal birth control is not an option you feel good about then get your tubes tied.

Answer

I have 3 children myself and I am engaged to be married to someone who does not have children yet. I had a tubal ligation done when I was 21 and I had them tied for exactly 8 years. Then I had to pay out of pocket for a reversal because it's cheaper than IVF. There are other forms of birth control that I would rather use because once I got my tubes tied, my cycles became way more intense. I could hardly stand them. It increases your chances of having menopause a lot earlier than a woman without a tubal ligation. I also ended up with a bunch of cysts and endometriosis. All of which were removed while I had my tubal reversal. Just my personal opinion, but I made the decision without even caring what my husband at the time thought because it was my body and I didn't want more kids. Now my life has changed and I regretted having my tubal ligation. If I had considered what other people said, I wouldn't have had to go through all the pain after the surgery, nor the pain from the reversal. I understand your situation is completely different and if he doesn't understand the risks of pregnancy,  especially at high risk, then he needs to hear it from the Dr. himself so he can be more understanding of the situation. I would say that since there are a hundred different contraceptives, I'd choose one of them because in my experience, even though a tubal ligation puts you at ease, it can be way more problematic in the future. Good luck to you. I hope everything turns out well and I wish you the best of luck. :)

Answer

Get advice from your doctor about what your chances are if you try to have more. Tell the doctor your fears in private and if he thinks it's a risk to your health. If so then tell your husband the doctor have advised against it. If the doctor thinks you'll be fine if you have one more then you need to sit your husband down and figure out where to go from there. Just think if the situation was the other way around. What if he had kids from a previous marriage and this was your first and you wanted more but he wanted a vasectomy. It would crush you. I know you have health risks involved where he doesn't but the feeling of longing for more children and not having a say in weather you get them or not is the same in women and men.

To tie my tubes or not???

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