How do i bring this up gentley?

Question

So my mother in law has started going crazy buying things for the baby. This is her first grandson so I understand her excitement however she is just buying ANYTHING like she bought me a bath tub, a crib mattress (which is wayyy to soft) and a couple of packs  of target brand diapers to name a few things. And it's not that I'm not grateful its just she's not looking on my registry even tho every time she hands me a new "present" I ask her (trying to hint) if its off the registry. I did a lot of research to put the items I picked on my registry  and she always says no but look how cute this one is! She is also getting things for Hus nursey even tho she knows the theme. For example she got him this like 3 foot tall stuffed elephant... His theme is superheros. I don't want to come off as ungreatful because my husband and I appreciate all the help we can get but I just wish she would look at the registery and also wait till after the shower. So I know after that what I really need. How can I talk to her about this without coming off ungreatful

Answer

I say just say thank you and use what you got. Once you have a baby you won't care what brand of diapers you have as long as you don't have to buy any! If the mattress bothers you, exchange it. As for an elephant, just stick it in the corner of the room. Silly stuff like this isn't worth an argument and seeming ungrateful. She is excited and loves you all, just say thank you and use it! We are having twins and that's right where we are af

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Maybe try to get the receipt or return it to a store without receipt. Of course without telling her. That can just cause more stress

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Honestly I don't think there's much you can say without it coming off ungrateful. I completely understand what you mean, but people get offended really easily and she's not taking the hint. Sadly the reality is that a LOT of people don't buy off the registry. Nor leave you gift receipts. I think you have two choices: tell her how you feel which will most likely hurt her feelings, she will stop purchasing all together, feel out of place etc. but you'll be able to have the nursery you hoped for, and all the products you wanted... Or just let her buy stuff, ditch the theme for now and see what all you have after the shower to see if you can still do that theme... Or alter the theme in any way. It depends on how much help you two need. We needed all the help we could get so we rolled with the punches and not everything matches but we have everything we need. Of course there are things that people got us that are not as good as picks from our registry but we had to decide: is it worth spending another $75 to buy specifically what we wanted or can the baby get by with the one we were gifted? Especially since everything is pretty much used short term. I'm hoping that you are happy with whatever decision you make because first grandchild and In laws are a very complicated situation, you want to share the experience but not so much that it makes you uncomfortable.. I'm there right now too.. Good luck!!
Here's how the nursery came out after the baby shower:

Answer

People will get you what they want to get you regardless. The best is to look up the item and see whats stores it could have come from, tell them you dont have a gift recpt, and they will exchange it for you.

For example; I flew in to VA from my home in FL. We asked for gift cards, money, or print a picture and ship to our house. I ended up having to make tons of returns and exchanges (for things i had room for in my suitcase). Like a heavy 3 pack of wipes is GREAT but thats so much poundage to a suitcase! We exchanged them for some easily pack-able swaddlers.

The remainder of my vaca in VA after the shower was spent running to the stores that my "Google" told me these items were sold at.

So regardless of what you research and pick to match, others aren't as considerate. Just be thankful for someone wanting to buy things for you, and if its something you have to exchange, have a good reason for it in case she asks you "Hows that i got you working out?"

Tread lightly. Be appreciative :)

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Am I the only one wondering why you are complaining? It sounds like she's buying you stuff and not for your actual shower so why are you so unhappy about it? Geez I'd be happy to be getting packs of diapers and stuff for no reason and I definitely wouldn't be complaining that they are store brand. My advice is to be grateful that she is so excited and not ask her "if it's off the registry". That's just rude, my goodness.

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**Anyway, I'd suggest next time it happens saying something like "oh, this IS really nice, but the one I chose on my registry was actually recommended because.. (Whatever the case may be)." Or "but the one I put on my registry does this (matches the room theme, had the best ratings, etc)." You could even go a step further and say "It means a lot to me that you're doing so much for us and the baby, and I really appreciate it, but I did spend a lot of time putting my registry together based on recommendations I read/research I did/etc. Have you had a chance to look at it? Let me show you what I put on it and see what you think about the things I chose." Or "I actually wanted to ask you what you thought about the sheet set/diaper pail/fill in the blank I chose". Then pull it up on the computer/iPad/phone and actually entertain the idea that she might know about different products you don't have on there. Maybe also point out things like: "I liked BOTH of these mattresses, but I put THIS one on the registry because it's two sided and the most highly rated." (Translation: I didn't just close my eyes and click on that mattress or choose it because the packaging was pretty. I saw that there were 30 other options and I chose THIS one, for a reason.) Now she feels like she's had some input and may be more inclined to buy what's on your registry and not the first thing she sees displayed on an end cap.

After all that, if she continues getting whatever, I'd exchange it for what you want or stick it in the closet (where I'm assuming the elephant will live).

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This exact thing started happening to me. I finally got fed up and had a deep convo with my husband, so he addressed it as respectfully as possible on the phone with his mom that she needs to be mindful of our decisions of what we want for our baby. She said her feelings were hurt and that she just won't buy anything else, but we know for a fact that she'll quickly get over it because she definitely wants to be in the baby's life. Feelings are easily hurt but then easily mended. Tell her how you feel or have your husband speak for both of you. If you don't say something now, she won't know her boundaries after the baby is born.  You're the parents so your "say so" matters most.

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I'd tread lightly. Mother in Laws are funny. Mine is a pain. She asked me what we wanted, we told her and then told me she wasn't getting that. Really upset me. Now we've been waiting 4 weeks for the gift card to arrive. I do understand your frustration. ( try to take back the stuff you won't use)

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MIL are crazy!

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Could be worse could have a mil who thinks having 2 blankets and two towels is plenty and voices her opinion on how you shouldn't buy anything else because you have enough already.....who also goes thru your baby's closet just to tell you how you have wayyyyy too much clothes because you know babies don't need more then 7 outfits lmao...story of my life

How do i bring this up gentley?

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