My husband grew up in a situation like this. His stepmom insisted on attending parent-teacher conferences and related things. He grew to resent how it made his biological mom feel.    I think the best thing you can do for your step-child is to try to have a healthy relationship with his biological mother and respect her wishes. Don't barge your way in, but ingratiate yourself in to her life if you can. Your step-kid is learning "normal" conflict resolution from watching all of you.

This is a tough situation, I am a stepmother so I get it. You really have to try your best to keep your feet off of her toes as best as possible. If it was your kid and another women was playing "mom" I'm sure you'd be livid. She will eventually get used to the idea. In my situation we ended up getting custody and now I am mom since they rarely see her, but it wasn't always like that. For this particular situation, is his father going? If not, I absolutely wouldn't go. Also what grade is he starting, if it's kindergarten, it might be understandable but any other grade I honestly would just be there for him when he gets home, ask him about it, show lots of interest so he can see you care. His mother will grow more respect for you if you ease in gradually and have less of a problem with you coming around. Good luck.

I'm not gonna answer this one because I feel there should be a 3rd option for its up to the child. If he wants you there, then you should be allowed there.

These things take time. The mother will eventually get used to you, especially if the child wants you there. I had a step mom and didn't want her anywhere near me and neither did my mom. But I have a step dad who is pretty much my second dad and I want him to come to everything- he does a better job than my actual dad! Just don't assert yourself too hard or it will backfire. And you know how much kids absorb when they hear their parents complain about someone. Good luck and have patience!

If your fiancé will be there then I don't see why you shouldn't go if your step son wants you there. Luckily my step daughters mother has never cared what I attend or don't, heck I took her to her first day of first grade and was the only parent there this year. Lol my job is a bit more flexible and she knows I'm the one who picks our daughter up most days. Maybe you could even go in shifts or something? If there's a time frame for parents she could go first then you and your fiancé so everyone could meet the teacher and tour the class?

maybe go have lunch with him at the school? or have the dad facetime or skype you in. i agree with the others it should be the kids decision unfortanently sometimes . :(

The same thing happened to me when my now 12 year old step daughter started school - I stayed away and let the day run smoothly for my stepdaughter and husband - let it be known though that even now all these years later my stepdaughter talks about how I was sadly banned by her mother for attending her first day at school - I encourage good relations between my SD and her mother but sometimes her mother makes decisions that affect my SD and their relationship. Good luck.... It doesn't get any better! X x

Tbh I think it should be the little boys decision. Does he want you there? If the answer is yes then sure go because he's in the middle of this and he has to learn to accept you. Stay strong 😚