I have POAS phobia!

Elizabeth • Elizabeth, 26. TTC baby #1 for 5 years now. Two losses, 11.30.11 @ 7 weeks, and 11.28.12 @ 16 weeks.
I'm diagnosing myself as a POAS phobic. I can't bring myself to do it. I'd rather wait for AF to show versus seeing a pile of negative hpt's in my trash can. 
AF is due tomorrow. I'm still super tired, but I've been cramping and they feel like period cramps. Who knows. No spotting or light bleeding like I usually get the day before my normal flow starts, so who knows. 
Got the news yesterday that my moms cancer is stage 4 metastatic breast cancer that has spread to her lung. Her treatment starts next Friday. Made the decision to shave my head with her, so she's not alone. The news has been devastating. 
A BFP would be so very amazing this month with everything that is going on with my moms health, but I'm just not sure it's going to happen. I'm waiting it out instead of testing. If I'm late, I'll grab a test. If not, I guess we'll just keep trying.