Okay so I'm having problems with my boyfriend...idk even know...so he's been ignoring me right and yes he's in the army. I've seen before so it's not like a weird long distance thing. I even went out to where he was in another state just to see him. 💔 He gave me his moms ring and told me it meant everything...he even gave me a teddy bear he got for me with the little army uniform on and everything. Have we always had the perfect relationship? No. When he was in training I wrote him everyday and he did send me a few letters back. He mentioned in them how thinking about me made his days better...how he loved me so much and he's always called me baby :( So when he came back I did see him then long story...and we've shared everything together....I was his first and he was mine, for many things. So he's been ignoring me and it all started when I commented on his picture on ig like text me baby and he deleted it. No I do not think my boyfriend is cheating on me. I have him on all social media and I trust my partner 100%. So I mentioned him in the comment and then when I woke up around noon I went on his page to see if it was still there like didn't he see my comment? Why didn't he text me? And he was like oh I know you'd notice but you say you don't stalk my page right? I looked on his other pictures (yes I did look but nobody has time to stalk his page) and the rest of all my comments were there. This was a week it's been up and down, horrible and I feel my heart breaking into pieces...so I called him last night and I told him like so you don't love me? Or care about me is what your saying? And he said no I do it's just idk what's going on with me. He said I've always been restricted all my life and now I'm living off the edge going all out with it. And I said, so what are you doing then?! Like wtf? And he told me he wasn't doing anything like that...he does drink a lot and I hate it and I really hate that he smokes...I don't want him to get sick someday :'( and then when I tried to talk to him more about it he wasn't tryna talk said he'd call me tomorrow (which is today) and I told him before he rudely hung up on me like so are you with me yes or no? Simple answer yes or no? And he kept avoiding my question and he was like oh so you wanna do this shit right now? Oh alright bye and hung up. So he texted me like an hour later after I left a voicemail literally balling my eyes out and he said I'm sorry. I said for? Then he said for treating you like I have been, I'm so sorry. So I told him he needs to prove it to me. Sure enough here comes the ignoring again. So I text him today several times like I give you all of me and I love you with all I have, what have I don't to deserve all this? Etc...and he replays with I'm just a terrible person ok and how he doesn't deserve the love of others...how he should be a ghost drifting with the wind. And his depression has just become too great so exiles himself from others so he won't hurt people anymore. He told me he drinks and smokes to fill a void and that he feels like the feelings he's had weren't real...and they were something to just fill his void that would eventually be lost in existence. He said love is something he can't have now and he said he's told me before but I don't listen...he then said my sadness overwhelms me. I have no fucking heart to give. He said I try to live by the light but I always tread back to the shadow and that's where I belong. In the dark by myself so I don't hurt others anymore...he also he should be a ghost now drifting like I said before but he also added never to know love or affection. He said he's a terrible person and doesn't deserve nothing or the love of others. He's never been this hurtful towards me before....and I love him with all my heart. I told him today he is the other half of my heart and I couldn't live with just half a heart....when I went out there he told me he loved me. He always says it back...I just don't understand and I don't know if he'll bounce back....I honestly think he's depressed and has some deep dark issues so he doesn't seem to realize what he's saying is truly hurting me...who knows. I'm not sure what to think, then when I called him the night he hung up on me I seen him liking all these girls photos like really? And I see it pop up because on all social media mostly there's a news feed and you can see that stuff. He even commented on something saying "I like the nose ring =)" and I got on him about that shit. He always tells me he never wants to lose me and I'm just confused by all this...then when I threw it in his face again today he was like you know what fine just leave me just fucking go and I said no. Then he replied with wtf do you mean no?! And I said NO because I love you and I would never leave your side. Etc. long paragraphs I typed too much for here, but I even called him tonight...no answer....but I left a voicemail. Does he even love me? :'( please nothing really negative because I don't need that right now I just need some guidance......and a little bit of advice.....am I wrong for being so kind? I can't help it, I even told him I would walk into the darkness with him and hold his hand back to the light :( I would never just leave him alone like that....am I wrong? Does he even love me? Why am I not good or pretty enough? So much running through my mind...I wish I had a super model body, I wish I looked like a model...of coarse I'm beating myself down because I feel insecure especially right now. I'm not sure AT all what to do :'( I'll never leave him alone or anyone alone to face depression or whatever their going through by themselves. That's not who I am :( plus I promised him since day one I was gonna be there for him regardless. I've known him for 5 years but I didn't see him throughout those years because we didn't live by each other but we always talked almost everyday and it was like we were together it seems...we've always had ups and downs I just don't understand why he's always telling me he loves me if now he doesn't seem to mean it :'( so it seems.... and it'll be a year in December since we've been together....and idk :'( please just help....I can't describe the pain I am in at this moment. From losing my grandma a month ago almost to losing my grandpa 4 months ago...and now this? Just help 😞😢💔💔💔💔