Feeling Sorry for Myself, no IUI this cycle


Just got out of the fertility doc's office for my Cycle Day 3 Scan. My Obgyn put me on Clomid for the first time two cycles ago and I failed to ovulate. Cue the fertility doctor. Last month fertility doc couldn't see my ovaries on my ultrasound because the cysts were so huge. He said that you should never take Clomid without a "trigger" shot so that your cysts will rupture. So I was to wait one cycle to let them rupture on their own before we could start the next round of Clomid plus <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a>. Fast forward to this month where my period started a week early, so here I am back at the fertility doc for $120 ultrasound that shows my cysts are STILL THERE and are bigger. Doc says we still can't do Clomid again or <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> this month until cysts are gone, so he put me on birth control for this month (I guess to help cysts rupture, not really sure?). He also says that it's possible these aren't just regular cysts, but something more permanent that would have to be removed surgically. So now I'm sitting in my car at the pharmacy waiting to get birth control because I can't sit inside and cry in front of strangers. I'm supposed to be at work in the next hour and don't know how I'm going to get through the day. I really just want to give up and take a sick day so I can go home and feel sorry for myself. To make matters worse (because, of course, you know I have to be a downer), my hubs isn't home except on the weekends so I'll just sink into a depression if I go home by myself. Not that I want company, I just don't know what to do. Why am I so heartbroken? I feel like this grief just hit me from out of nowhere. Am I being ridiculous?

I guess what I'm looking for is someone to hear me out. Relate to me. Give me hope. Give me clarity. Please and thanks for reading.