I'm looking at everyone's pregnancy tests and I see how happy they are that they're pregnant, and I'll I can think about is how I will never have that in my life. I will never be able to look at something so excited and precious to surprise my s.o that he is going to be a father , and that destroys me inside. My whole life I grew up thinking that I would be "the best" mommy, thinking I would spoil my children! But this will never happen. Now oct 21/2015 I am adopting a child, a child to call my daughter, I am proud that she is my daughter , and so thankful to have her in my life, I will always have her in my heart and can't wait for the day till I get to have her in my arms, she will always hold a special place in my heart❤️ forever and always ❤️ And now, I will be the best mommy, I will spoil her rotten and love her so much! She is my daughter and her name is Rayah!