My husband and I have been TTC for over a year now. Cycle after cycle I see a "negative" on the test. While we do have an amazing little boy, I know I'm meant to have more. My labor with my son was very traumatic for the both of us. Having a placental abruption along with pre-eclampsia, needless to say, I'm thankful we both came out okay. Though I find myself full of hope near the end of my cycle, when I take that test, I go into it knowing it'll be "negative". Everyone around me seems to be falling pregnant so easily. They all tell me to just relax and it'll happen. I do my very best to do just that, but I still think about it every day. How does one simply just forget about the thing they want most? All I want is to have another child. To give my son a playmate. But it seems such an impossible feat. Why is this so hard? It wasn't nearly this hard to conceive my son. It's emotionally and physically draining. I'm tired of being disappointed. Tired of the tears. Yet as done and defeated as I feel, I know next month I will work myself up again. I will continue to give my Heavenly Father the tools to make my miracle happen. Tell myself what "will be will be." Tell myself I'm content with either a negative or a positive. All the while, not relaxing and thinking constantly about having another child. All the little ways I can tell my husband "We finally did it. We're finally pregnant." And then come up with another way to tell our families. My mind says stop but my heart screams "Just take another test. It couldn't hurt. It might be positive! OMG, I just know it'll be positive. It's different this cycle."

I just want so badly to have my baby #2.

Baby dust to all. Hope to get that BFP very soon.