Wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and has any advise....

In May 2015, I became pregnant with my first child. After a week of not being able to hold down water without being nauseous, I took a pregnancy test; I was 4w4d pregnant! My husband and I were extremely excited, though surprised.

I was surprised to have nearly every pregnancy symptom so early in the pregnancy. However, 2 weeks later I miscarried my baby.

Heartbroken didn't begin to describe how I felt. I literally felt my body rejecting and expelling my sweet baby for 2 long weeks. I was an emotional wreck for a month, and had many episodes over the next several months.

5 months later, after a late period, I took a test and find out I was pregnant again. I was excited, but terrified I might lose this one too.

I'm now 12 weeks. We had an ultra sound at 9 weeks, and everything was looking great. Although seeing the baby and hearing the heartbeat gave me relief...I still don't feel like I have a baby. In fact, until the heartbeat, I thought it was a false pregnancy and I just had an unfertilized egg.

Don't get me wrong, I feel very pregnant! But I can't seem to accept that I have a living child inside me, and am faking excitement with husband and family.

Anyone else with a similar experience? Did it get better? Is there anything I can do to connect with the baby? I thought getting pregnant again would help fill the void in my heart, but I can't seem to have an emotional attachment to the baby.