What would you do?

Question

I've had a close family member recently lose her baby. My family still doesn't know I'm pregnant and we had huge plans to announce during a holiday party with family and friends. My family member is still having a really hard time with her loss and I fear our grand announcement, or any announcement at all during the holidays, will really trigger her. I know my family will be so excited about my pregnancy abd probably won't stop talking about it and I want to respect her feelings, we haven't really processed her loss yet as a family. At the same time I have been so excited about these plans to announce. I don't know what to do and that it'll be hard to keep it a secret past new year.  My family is so important to me. What would you do? Or advice would you give me?

Answer

I would talk to her first. Express your concerns. Do what you would prefer if the situation was reversed.

Answer

I think it's great that you are being considerate and honestly everyone takes this kind of news after a loss differently.... If you want to announce at Xmas I don't think this should stop you, but in thinking maybe meeting with the family member a couple days before and letting her know first (so she can process it as much as she can before the big announcement)...

Answer

For me.. Not that this is what you should do.. Only you know your family dynamics.. My family is pretty sensitive to things like that and for them they like to mourn together... At this point Christmas would be too soon to announce... Maybe a little later like after new years? For our family the new year was always a sign of hope that things will be different.. And announcing then would show hope for everyone in the next year... Christmas in my family is more for remembrance... Of those who left before us, the birth of Jesus and what he did for us, and the treasure of being together... This is the dynamic of my family... I lost my son in July at 23 weeks and we are all still healing... I wont announce this pregnancy yet because my husband and I are still healing, my grandmother is still healing for it (we lost my grandfather soon before and our son was going to be the spark of her life..)  We probably wont announce until Viability for our own reasons.. You know your family best... I know from experience that the holidays are the hardest for bereaved parents.. Its not only supposed to be happy but they will forever feel like someone is missing... We miss our son terribly.. Even though we are 12 weeks now, it really doesnt change that he was apart of us and apart of our family... So my answer in short would be to wait.. But again this is from the dynamic of my family...

Answer

I would pull her aside and talk to her first. Give her the option to opt out of the get together where you are announcing. She may not be ready to publicly go through that and it may make her uncomfortable. I lost my daughter at 22 weeks and it was almost a year before I was ready to hear about someone else's pregnancy.

Answer

Talk to her first. Make sure she is ok with your plans.

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My friend lost her son at 24 weeks. The first week of November was her due date. She should be holding a beautiful baby boy Christmas morning. I planned on announcing to the world that we are pregnant again. I talked to her when I was about 6 weeks pregnant and told her so she could be prepared and not overwhelmed or hurt on Christmas. I am very lucky she was happy and excited for me. She also understands my feelings of dread since this was a surprise baby and I did not want anymore kids. She is struggling with infertility and I kinda am her outlet for her frustration. And when she decided to induce labor to have a chance to see her son alive I was there for her emotionally. She is religious and some in her family were against her decision. My husband and I are debating of naming our child after hers if it is a boy (my husband liked the name and I talked to her about it).

Answer

Talk to her first..being in her shoes and being around my family who was pregnant and had there bellies at family functions was hard for me i would cry and try to hide it from them i didnt want to be know as the one who lost her baby..i was halfway they my pregnancy btw when my loss occurred

Answer

Yep her first stop she can process, then tell everyone else. Don't let it ruin your pregnancy excitement. I think it's great you're considering her feelings

Answer

We had a similar situation happen to us. His aunt was due a week or so before us. We didn't actually know until we called his grandma to tell her our big news and before we could say anything she blurted it out that his auntie was have complications and that she was expecting. Well we just chatted for a bit then hung up without saying anything. We then talked to my  husbands mom as that is her sister and she said we will see if she ends up losing the baby first but as for now continue telling people but make sure his grandparents and them don't find out. We then later found out they lost the baby but I already had to announce on Facebook because one of my aunts decided it was her right to post on Facebook that I was pregnant. Luckily neither have Facebook. But we then called them both but talked to his uncle because we knew it would be easier for them and at that time they didn't know we knew about their situation. They told his mom they liked how we handled it. We have them time to grieve but still told them in a timely manner. Sorry it's so long but I had to explain it all. I hope this helps.

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