11+5 ftm worries

I woke up at midnight to go pee. I haven't been able to fall back asleep. I've just been up, thinking about everything. I went through old messages from like 2009 to current messages, and all I can think is... I don't think I'm ready to announce to anyone else that I'm expecting. Maybe it's hormones, idk. I just can't help but think about what it would feel like if I announce and then baby doesn't make it. With medicaid, it only pays for 2 ultrasounds. My doctors office isn't open the week of Christmas at all. So, I won't know or hear a heart beat until I'm 14 weeks and won't see baby until 20 weeks. My nutrition is terrible, I just have no desire to eat anything I cook and no desire to cook. I only cook for my son and boyfriend then I'll just drink water or tea and snack on tortilla chips.