So I have been around kids my whole life. I'm the oldest of 7, I've worked in day cares, preschools, summer camps, been a nanny for years, church nurseries, etc. I love kids and am currently 18 weeks pregnant with my first. So excited. I am currently a nanny to a 1.5 year old boy who is, truly, the worst kid I've ever met. He is violent, to the point where he hits, punches, kicks, and scratches me for no reason. I'll be playing with him, or we will just be watching tv, and he will tense his jaw and punch me as hard as he can out of nowhere. It doesn't usually HURT, as he is only 1.5, but it doesn't feel good either. I could really deal with that, but what gets me is how mean he is to my dogs. They are the most loving dogs and they just take it when he hits and kicks them. He pokes them in the eye. I keep them separated as much as possible but one of the reasons I stay at home watching him, instead of having a traditional job, is so that my dogs aren't stuck in crates or alone all day. I've had to take both of my dogs to the vet because of him. Once, he dislocated one dogs hip (she's about 2, so not an old dog at all), and he scratched the cornea of my other dog when he punched her in the face and tried to poke her eye out. These issues happen on a daily basis and in the blink of an eye. I'll be in the bathroom (door open) or making his lunch, and he will charge them. I tell him no and put him in time out but he just laughs. He doesn't listen to the word 'no' AT ALL, just stares at you and does it again anyways. When in time out, he hits and kicks and screams and gets out, so I have to basically hold him there (not forcefully, just to keep him seated and from flailing).

Anyways, I feel like a horrible person because I'm at the point where I just really don't like him. This isn't usual tantrum behavior. I've had him for 10 months now, and it's getting progressively worse. His mom doesn't have anywhere else to send him and I've addressed these issues with her, and her responses are "yeah, he does that" or "we had a chat". I am just so scared that I'm going to be a terrible mother, because I don't even give this kid the benefit of the doubt anymore. I dread picking him up and it's at the point where I say "ugh" even when I see his mom post his pic on facebook. I have only agreed to watch him for a few more weeks, which is good, but I have a feeling she will be begging for him to come back to my house when he gets kicked out of daycare. It goes beyond that issue, now, though, as I can't sleep at night because of how worried I am that I'll get frustrated like this with my own children or not want to be around them.

Please tell me it's normal not to like a kid and that it won't happen with mine on the way. I've never felt like this toward a child before. And I would never hurt him, but I don't ever feel like comforting or cuddling with him anymore, either, as this escalates.

Sorry this ended up so long, I appreciate any advice or encouragement. Please no rude comments, I feel bad enough about this as it is.