Imagining the worst

TTC brings so much sadness and crazy obsessive behavior. Each month that goes by, I start to feel more and more like a flawed designed. Recently I have started to think about my relationship- there is nothing sadder than thinking that my partner and I love imperfectly. Our love is unable to make anything grow, it cannot create. It is even sadder to think that perhaps if my partner loved someone else, their love might bloom and create a baby. The thought that our love is redundant, powerless, less beautiful than others' is hurtful. And then the fear comes; what if my partner leaves me because I can't make a baby? What if he has an affair which ends in an unexpected pregnancy? His whole family would tell him to leave his stupid barren wife.