I had my D&C two weeks ago when I was ten weeks along, and the nurse called today to say that the initial testing came back and the baby was clear for all of the major genetic diseases. They'll do another round of testing for the less common genetic disorders, but it was a relief to hear we're in the clear so far.

The nurse also asked me if I wanted to know the sex of the baby. I said yes and as she was ramping up to tell me, I knew with absolute certainty that it was a girl. And it was.

And I was surprised to find how happy this made me feel. I pictured her with a dark mop of hair, just like I had when I was born; I saw her with blue eyes just like her father. And that night, I lay down in bed and pictured her curled up beside me in one of those silly knit pink hats they put on newborns, and I felt more comforted than I had in weeks. I spoke to her for a bit, and told her I loved her, and oh, did it feel good not to say "it" anymore, and to be able to say her.

I still cried like a fool, but it felt good to have some reality to the loss. With my first miscarriage, I never found out the sex, and I think I am very lucky to have had the opportunity this time. I am very thankful for that.