He seems hesitant on ttc start date, I'm pulling away
Has this happened to any ladies here?
In a committed relationship, we have a home together. On advice of medical specialists, we are doing IVF to freeze embryos now in advance of trying naturally as I may have limited timeframe/ egg supply. We are committed & emotionally invested in this, splitting the cost. We agreed to do 3 rounds.
Depending how it went, would ttc naturally - in a 'relaxed' non-preventing approach way -from March, or maybe Apr/May *if* we got enough embryos. First IVF cycle was last month, 0 embryos to freeze 😔 Looking better this cycle, fingers crossed.
Last night we were discussing our anniversary in late March. I hinted we might (not would definitely) start ttc then. Ovulation would be around that date. I felt so happy about the prospect, as it might take a while etc. In Sept, we'd discussed a specialist's advice to try within 6mths.
Last night, his reaction seemed to be stunned, like a deer in the headlights. He cited pressure, and a lot going on for him in Feb-Mar, and he'd gotten attached to the prospect of Apr-May. He acted like I'm going to hand him s baby in late March!
I was very put off by it, and have felt heart shattered, I have cried a lot. I'm very aware at 35.5, it could take a while, and with low egg reserve am possibly at increased miscarriage risk. I'm 36 in May. I can't afford any more delays.
I no longer feel like making any future plans around a family, holidays, marriage with him. I'm evaluating the entire relationship, weighing up whether I stay. I've been hit by a wave of depression & sadness, a heavy heart feeling, feel deflated and barely got out the door to work today after a flood of tears.
We love each other so much... He treats me wonderfully, but I'm wondering whether he'd be pushing himself to be ready & resent it all. I want to feel that we're both nervously excited at the prospect, I'm not angry, just heartbroken.
I even feel detached about the current IVF cycle now. I just don't want to discuss any of it, any future unless *he* becomes happy, excited & initiates it. I want him to be a vehicle to my personal dreams, not an obstacle.
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