Co-sleeping with your kids? ??

Question

My husband and I are expecting a baby but he also has a daughter from a previous relationship. I have been raising her as her mother abandoned the two of them since she was barely a yr old. Which is why I understand why he co-slept with her, he was needy and his daughter was all he had.

But here is my issue, we are moving into a bigger room to make space for the new baby. Our daughter sleeps with us now and she's 3 yrs old. He doesn't want her to sleep in her own room and wants all 4 of us to share the room because he is "not ready or comfortable with her sleeping alone."

Wtffffffff is up with that? Why can't she sleep in her own bed in her own room? I get that he's attached to her but he's pushing me and the new baby away. I would love to hear some of you guys' opinions or thoughts. I need all the advice I can get. I have just about had it with his constant babying and smothering of his daughter. Advice????

Answer

I think it's time for her to be in her own room. It sounds bizarre to me why he still wants all 4 of you in the same room. But at the same time he obviously has some issues he hasn't worked out yet. And that's what he should be trying to do while you are still pregnant. Maybe he needs to get some help to let go of that hard time in his life?

Answer

Everyone in a human family used to sleep together. In many countries it's expected. In Japan kids don't sleep alone until they're at least five. Maybe you could compromise and get her a toddler mattress on the floor in your room? But it seems harsh to kick her out completely when there are so many changes coming. She'll already be worried she's being replaced. Obviously what really matters is your family, not what's normal, but I see nothing wrong or bad about the dad's position.

Answer

I would suggest taking it slow, start with her in her own toddler bed in your room, clearly the dad has an attachment issue, so maybe he needs to take it in steps, start with her out of the bed but in the same room, then move on from there. You didn't mention how she is with the possibility of sleeping in her own bed, I know some kids have trouble moving to their own, and others love the idea...

Answer

My daughter co slept with me (single mom) till she was 6.  She had her own bed in my room at some points (when I could only afford 1 bed apt) and her own bed and room at other times.  She would sometimes sleep in her bed and sometimes mine.  We both went to sleep 8/8:30pm so it worked.  When she turned 6 I fancied up her room and bed and told her no more mommies bed since I moved in her dad and was expecting her brother.  It was her dads call and I went along with it b/c people had their opinions about her still co sleeping.  It was hard for me!!  I felt like I was abandoning her, even if it was only 8 hrs and the next room over.  I knew she disliked it and probably felt pushed aside.  She never slept in my bed again, even when I invited her to.  Shes 16 now and just likes her own space and bed.  It didnt ruin her to have co slept with me for those years... I even slept with my grandma  when I got to spend the night till I was like 12
I just found it comforting.  Might be a single parent thing but I would gradually give your daughter the adjustment time to transition and also give your SO the time too, he may resent you later for pushing him before he is ready.  Just encourage it dont push it.  Good luck with your expanding family!  Your daughter is lucky to have someone step into some big shoes you chose to step into with being her mom :)

Answer

It's not safe to cosleep with an older child and infant. We co slept with our first it can be done safely and helps with breastfeeding. But we are currently transitioning our first to his room and my husband is sleeping with him during the transition. We will slowly try to limit the time my husband stays in bed with him. We don't do the cry it out method so a slow weaning process is what we chose. She is old enough to be transitioned to her own space. Dad will have to let go a bit and slowly limit how long he stays with her. But by doing it gradually it shouldn't be as shocking to her.

Answer

Co sleeping is definitely not recommended with infants because of the chance of rolling on top of them or pillows and blankets smothering them. It's very dangerous. We are going to have the bassinet beside the bed! And I think 3-4 years old is plenty old enough to sleep by herself.

Answer

He's not pushing you away or the new baby. That's how YOU feel. She is only 3 why is she suddenly being kicked out? Is there a space for a toddler bed in the room?

Answer

It sounds like he has guilt issues over her mom abandoning her and doesn't want her to feel like he is doing the same...it even replacing her.....imo. However, there are always ways to transition slowly and make sure she understands the difference between abandonment and just growing up.

Answer

I co slept with my son from he was around 5/6 months until he was 1 and a half, then I had him in his own bed until around 2 and a half, then a lot happened to him because of his dad so he was back in my bed. And it is so easy to become as attached to that as they get, I can't sleep when he's not beside me. It is hard for both parent/s and child to break that pattern. BUT saying that it is important that a child learns to sleep in there own bed. I understand how difficult he finds it but likeysf it has to be done for there sake.

Answer

I will not be cosleeping because 1) I don't want to roll over and hurt him or anything like that. 2) I'm not having a three year old sleeping with me. That's not gonna fly. I'm not going to start a bad habit. That's just me :p

Co-sleeping with your kids? ??

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