Am I being a B****??

Question

My SO and I made a pact while TTC that when I fell pregnant we would both quit smoking cold turkey  (his idea). I was over the moon about this as I knew quitting would be very hard but with his support it would make things easier. Im 20 weeks and have just found out that he has secretly been having a cigarette here and there behind my back. I have busted him twice and was pretty upset (two days ago being the latest) and today whilst fishing he openly asked his friend for one in front of me and will not speak to me now for telling him he couldnt have one. He is saying that I am being a b***** and that hes not pregnant so it doesnt hurt for him to have one now and again. I feel like he made a promise and should see it through to support me. What do you think?

Answer

I didn't ask my husband to stop smoking ... He was smoking like a chimney before he met me, then gradually reduced to 1-2 cigs a day. I never pushed him or telling him stop smoking at all. It's not easy and men don't like to be told "what to do". Now I'm pregnant, he still does 1-2 a day but only on the rooftop when I'm not around.I think it doesn't hurt anyone, as long as you have good control of yourself. If you want man to not do something, telling him "don't do it" isn't the best way. Instead you can show him what he "can do" which is better for himself and everyone else.

Answer

I think one cigarette here n there is a good effort n u need to look at the bigger picture,do u want to be right? Or do U want to get along n enjoy the rest of ur pregnancy n minimise stress n arguments.Yes it's annoying he lied but quitting cold turkey is prob harder for him because he's not the pregnant one,he doesn't feel directly responsible for what the baby gets the way u are responsible.

Answer

My husband and I promised the same thing. I qyit, he quit (or so I thought) then my super blood hound pregnant nose could smell smoke one night while I was dead asleep. I immediately knew he was out smoking. I was FURIOUS and he tried for a week or 2 to pretend he was only bumming here and there. I have given up and now he's just full blown back to it. I said fuck it, he wants to smoke and kill him self, go ahead. 😒

Answer

I know exactly how you feel, my SO also said he would quit smoking with me when we found out we were expecting. I quit cold turkey, he got, no sorry, make me get him, an e-cig. He used it for about 2 weeks. He is actually now smoking more than before. He gets pissy with me when I get pissy with him but he shouldn't have told me he would quit with me if he didn't intend to. People giving him excuses saying "well at least he's cut down" don't help. Would that be okay if I had just "cut down" no it wouldn't so why the f*** is it okay for him to lie and carry on doing whatever the hell he wants. Him smoking still affects me and our baby. But the fact that he has given up trying now is so much worse!

Answer

I can understand why you feel let down. But in the grand scheme of things if he's gone from smoking a lot each day to one or two here and there, cut him some slack.

Answer

Stand your ground because him smoking does effect the baby!

Answer

I think he's not being reasonable, but it's not my relationship. However, to his statement of "I'm not the pregnant one" or whatever he said, his smoking STILL affects the baby. If he smokes around you, the baby still gets it. And also it's just inconsiderate. You're pregnant and I'm sure those smells bother you - I think y'all just need to have a sit down, unemotional talk.

Answer

Some guys are jerks! Can't change them for the better

Answer

It's not bitchy to expect someone to keep their promise. Broken promises erode the trust in a relationship, no matter how small the issue.

Answer

I don't think you're being a bitch ... it's a real bummer when someone lets you down and didn't hold up their end of the bargain; I'd be livid myself.

I do think it's likely easier for a pregnant woman to quit because she knows in her heart that smoking is directly impacting her baby's health and well-being, it may not be as straight forward for the father.

Perhaps some encouragement and positive reinforcement would help. His choices do impact his child and it's important that he is healthy himself to be around and care for his child as long as possible.

There are free treatment programs for smoking cessation, as well as do it yourself methods and even prescription medications to quit.

There is a very short book called "Alan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking" that finally did it for me back in 2003, maybe it could help him as well.

As well, GOOD FOR YOU for doing what's best for your baby! You're a trooper and putting your child's well-being ahead of an addiction. You rock!

What makes me the saddest about this is that the father of your child speaks to you that way ... If my husband ever said I was "being a bitch," I'd lay him out in a heartbeat.

I hope you two can sort it out sooner than later. You keep up the good work, girl!

Am I being a B****??

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